Hi, 30f here. I'm dating another 30f for over a year, we live together, and she was dating another 35ish f. My partner got broken up with after she disregarded her partners boundary of -don't showed up at my place of work (a bar). Well my partner went, on two different occasions now and is permanently banned from the bar. She also started busking outside of the bar afterwards both times. Their ex partner blocked them. My partner reached out to their ex's other partners for an explanation.

I'm not ok with any of my partners behavior. I've told her throughout this scenario that she's in the wrong, that she needs to not go to thr bar or busk outside of it, and that I would be pissed if my ex reached out to my other partners if the roles were switched. She argued and is frustrated that her now ex didn't talk to her about the situation, and my partner feels like she's owed some sort of explanation. I've had to (painstakingly) explain to her several times that she broke the boundary, that her ex doesn't owe her shit, and that she continues to make the situation worse. My partner has told me that she doesn't feel supported by me, that she is now banned from a place that was special to her and that is really hard for her, and that I'm not in her corner. Truth be told, I'm not on this issue. I'm really uncomfortable, what if my partner disrespects my boundaries? It worries me that I could receive the same treatment.

I want to continue this relationship, but I think chalking it up to my partner made mistakes is blatantly ignoring red flags. I've communicated extensively with my partner about this and other scenarios, but it's exhausting. She now acknowledges her mistakes but it took a lot of my energy to explain to her how she was wrong..

What do y'all think?