Sorry it's long, tried to be detailed for accuracy on the situation. Wife (37F) and I (38M) have been ENM, swingers for a couple of years. We have been together since HS and had kids at 20 and straight to work and life. They are now old enough that we started going out a couple years ago and it turned into swinging with other couples and we have made some great friends. I've seen her go from totally self conscious and completely reserved to choosing sexy clothes to wear out, being outgoing, talking to strangers in a bar, and her self confidence exploding and I absolutely love that for her. She sees herself as something other than a "Mom" for the first time in her life. She only dated me and one other guy before we got married. Recently I told her she could have a hall pass to do whatever she wants, we just need to be completely transparent and communicate. She had a couple 1 night stands, but now one has turned into basically dating...so I guess our intro in polamory. She sees him at least once a week, last week was 3 times though. She'll end up going out with him and staying the night at his house and come home before work or our kids sports games on Sat. She recently asked me if I would be ok with the two of them going away to a cabin for a Fri/Sat/Sun trip. I've met him and while he isn't someone I would probably hang out with regularly as a good friend, he isn't a bad guy and we get along. From everything she says he treats her well, they don't have sex every time they get together and he makes her feel good about herself, in a way I can't...I get that, we've been married 18 years and you begin to think your spouse "has to say nice things" even if maybe you only see your flaws. I'm happy for her.

It's a little hard on me at times. I don't like being alone, and sleeping alone is tough when she is gone. I'm not mad at her but I find myself being distant when she gets home and I have to focus on having a talk with myself to overcome it. I told her it's ok, I trust her, I know she loves me, she said she would stop the second I ask her to, if I decide that's what I want. She says I can go out too...but I work almost 80hrs a week, my days off are Thursday and Friday if I take time off it's usually only Friday (not conducive to meeting anyone) and I can't really afford to just go out buying drinks hoping to meet someone (kids and life are expensive). There is one woman I have gone out with a few times, I like her generally, but we just don't click in a way that they are or that I can see moving further than a fun time here and there.

Is there anyway to help get more comfortable with this situation? Does it just take time when moving into a poly type relationship from being conservative/monogamous just a few years ago? How do I meet a woman who would be willing to date a married guy who can't host or have her over, let alone someone I would click with? Are there that many women out there ok with it?