I'm looking to gain some perspective here. My first experience with polyamory didn't go well and it ended badly and I am not so much looking to see who's at fault but I would like some perspective on if something i did was a problem or not. So I was in a relationship with 2 FtM transgender men. For the longest time they basically had other partners or what they classified as other partners but some of them didn't feel the same way about being partners but thats a whole other story as one party thought they were in a relationship and the other didn't want/think so. They were not sexually active with any of their partners.

The issue at hand is W and P as I will call them for brevity's sake both lived together in a place P's grandfather owned they paid a "token rent". Since the 2 of them lived together they got to spend much more time together even if they maintained they weren't actively hanging out all the time. Like they claimed to spend most of their time in individual bedrooms.

They did not like their living arrangement, as P's family was not respecting pronouns, At some point they wanted to seek out on their own and form a house/living arrangement basically with W, P, me, and one or two of W's friends/partners.

Well at one point W and I were fighting alot because of a lack of what I felt was care and respect as they were treating a friend better than me their own romantic partner. They were doing so much for this person that they weren't doing for me and I was unhappy with that and when I tried voicing my opinions it turned into a fight.

Now when we first got together I was told I could date W, I could date P, I could date both of them or I could date none of them and just be a friend. What I was however told was that if I decided to date both of them and broke up with one of them I should not view it as needing to break up with both of them and that if I was going to view it that way I probably shouldn't date them. I however told them at that point in time I did not foresee how that would pan out and I could not make commitments as I don't know what the future holds.

At the end of the relationship when we broke up W asked if we broke up would I still date P. I was brutally honest with them and I told them point thank I want a life in a future with someone I want to be able to live together with someone to grow old with someone and I can't be with P if W won't want anything to with me. I asked/explained how would living together work, how would hanging out work, ect. I asked real world hard questions because based on how things were going W basically told me that they wanted nothing to do with me. I pointed out that it wasn't fair to ask me to live elsewhere meanwhile they're all living happily together I also pointed out that it wasn't fair to have W avoiding areas if I'm there either visiting, or to have to explain to P's family why I am refusing to pick W up from work or help W but I'm still helping P (as neither drove).

In the end I told W I would try to continue dating P, but that I didn't know if it would work out. Then come to find out the following day I don't know what W told P but P ghosted me and since then has ignored me and I am still wondering almost 2 years later if I was the wrong party and let my anxiety get the better of me.