So, I've (24NB) been dating my boyfriend, Oak (27M), for over a year now. We started dating on May 4th of last year. And he has another partner, Ash (31NB), that he's been dating for seven years now as of July 8th. The three of us used to be a triad for six months in the beginning when Ash and I agreed we were just better off as friends. So Oak is now the hinge.

Oak and Ash are very very low key in their relationship. Ash is asexual so their version of a romantic relationship is very minimal on physical touch and being surrounded by people. They rarely ever go out or do things together, either, and prefer to stay home and occasionally interact with each other while mainly being on their respective computers. If you look from the outside without ever knowing them, they genuinely act as best friends who have known each other their whole lives.

I, on the other hand, enjoy going out and doing things. I love being outside of the house because being in the house sometimes is suffocating. I also am not asexual and do enjoy touching, both casual and sexual which Oak also enjoys.

We are all currently living together now. Oak and I moved into the new place on the first of June this year and Ash just moved in less than a week ago. They had a lot of things to bring. And it seems like my relationship with Oak has just become extremely low-key since they moved in (minimal touching and being together; acting more like Oak and Ash's relationship then what mine and Oak's looked like before we moved in together) and I don't think I'm okay with it, but I don't know how to express that without it coming off as being jealous or angry.

Ash and Oak have a long history together (of course they would after seven years and I'm glad they do), and sometimes seeing all the things they used to do in the beginning like going out and doing things together or seeing what Oak had bought Ash and vice versa is making me feel a little uncomfortable. I realize Ash and Oak are both older now (and older than me) but I feel like I'm missing out on the things I treasure in a relationship. The intimacy, the dates, the random excursions, getting each other little gifts. The two of them had indulged in that in the past, and Oak and I really haven't.

This isn't jealousy on my part (for the most part). I do feel compersion when I hear the stories, but lately it's been getting on my nerves a little. Almost like I'm being left out of something huge and being denied something I desperately want. They have their little inside jokes and history that I will never be privy to. And when Ash brings up things they used to do, I do feel a little jealous because Oak doesn't do anything like that with me despite me expressing my love of those things.

But I also feel very weird about asking him to do those things with me. Almost like I'm excluding Ash from something even though she is not apart of my relationship with Oak, just like I am not apart of theirs. I will admit to having some abandonment issues and FOMO that I am currently working with a therapist on. I just have always felt extremely weird asking for things that I want/need because I always feel like I am putting a pressure on someone to do something whether they want to do it or not. (Yes, I am a traumatized person. Childhood abuse sucks.) So, I tend to minimize my wants/needs to make other people feel better and less like I'm a burden on them and their lives.

I would like some constructive advice on how to go about this. I haven't brought this up in therapy yet because my therapist is currently helping me work through trauma-related things that we both think would help improve my relationship if we worked through them first. I would like to know how to approach this without it coming off as me being jealous of what Oak and Ash had and have or coming off as too demanding and expecting Oak to ignore Ash even exists. Because I don't want my request to sound like either of those things, especially when it's not. I just want to be able to experience things with Oak and be happy.

(Note: Please do not suggest getting myself another partner to do things with. I am working on finding someone compatible, it's just hasn't been the easiest time because I want a girlfriend/nonbinary partner/not a cis-het male to date. I've had bad luck with men in the past with Oak being the exception (had another boyfriend a few months ago who assaulted me and used me like a sex toy so I'm staying away from dating cis-men for right now) but most women in my area are either 10 years older than me or only want hookups. I am seeking advice for my relationship with Oak to make it feel more than just a long-term FWB situation as we both have declared each other a life partner.)