I’m married, he’s solo poly. We’d been dating 9 mos. We started out as FWB, but insane chemistry, friendship and growing closeness turned our relationship into more akin to bf/gf— we adopted those labels a few mos back and we used the L word. We hung out twice a week. But I broke up with him nearly two weeks ago.

He’s currently going through a lot personally in dealing with past relationship trauma, financial issues, depression, and sometimes substance abuse. I’ve been trying to be there for him, but it’s been impacting me negatively and causing me subsequent pain. I now have resentment issues, and he won’t help me resolve them as he refuses to talk about or “harp” on the past. Along with the resentment, I haven’t been the greatest partner as of late either. Somewhere along the line we started being not great partners to one another.

In general, I’ve just found him to be a bit too unreliable. There’s been a lot of drama over the last few months, and I’d just started to feel like the good wasn’t outweighing the bad anymore. So after another flaky/disappointing exchange, I cut it off abruptly. He was not thrilled to say the least. Some ugly words were exchanged on both sides. We’ve since apologized/cleared the air for that. He’s now asking for consideration to remain in my life in any capacity: platonic friends, FWB, or bf/gf again. But I’m just not sure how to move forward. I suppose I could have deescalated rather than cut off. Problem is, we were never really platonic friends to begin with, and it we got really close really fast, so I don’t even know what deescalating would look like for us.

The pros: insane chemistry, hot sex, similar interests, lots of fun times, compatibility in partner and friend inclusion/KTP, genuine friendship, emotionally supportive (*when not at odds)

The cons: he’s pushy, he can be quite selfish/self involved/self serving, he’s terrible with time management and is constantly chronically late, he lets other relationships impact ours, he has emotional outbursts, he’s been using drugs too much — I think that covers it. [I’m not perfect either, I mentioned some resentment issues previously, but in general my life isn’t as turbulent as his].

For more context: my hubs’ opinion of him has been a mixed bag, more towards the negative TBH. Hubs wants me happy and thinks ex was too selfish/never appreciated me adequately.

Anyways, problem is I’m heartbroken. I’m gutted. I have a huge void in my heart. I miss my friend. I know logically that things weren’t jiving, and that I had good reasoning behind the decision to cut it. But I miss the shit out of him. I miss the good times. And I can’t help but question whether I overreacted, made a mountain out of a molehill, had too high of expectations for a secondary partner, and cut it too abruptly.

Did I do the right thing?