I’m in a two year monogamous relationship with a woman that I deeply love and care for with all my heart. We have been through many struggles in our relationship such as my divorce, financial and health issues and blending of my kids into our lives. We are at the point where we are going to be moving in together and heading towards marriage in the next year, so let’s call it next steps towards the future.

When we first met she mentioned she was bisexual, but had only ever fooled around with one girl kissing and touching each others chests. She did say she liked it, but hadn’t done any more than that one time. I thought maybe it was just some girlish fun in university and nothing more.

In the last 6 months she has mentioned more than once she feels attracted to women sexually and was very curious. She’s talked about kissing them, doing sexual things and maybe forming some FWB type relationships with other bisexual women.

I decided to discuss with her the opportunities to explore with other women and see what she thinks of that and if she really is into women, or maybe it’s a just a little something she likes on a whim. I’ve given her permission to do this and support her. I am not participating in it in regards to the selection of the women or anything in the bedroom as I have no desire to be with anyone as she makes me happy in every way.

There is some key things I am struggling with:

1. How will I feel after she has had physical intimacy with someone other than me? I have a big hang up about STI’s and cold sores/herpes. I have never had a one night stand ever and have only had sex with someone I’m in a committed relationship with after full testing. I’m worried I’ll feel like she’s dirty after, even though I know she most likely won’t be. I just don’t know how to handle those feelings.

2. I’m concerned she might form an emotional attachment to a person and this person could try and drive a wedge in our relationship. What are some things I can do to help this not happen?

3. We have made it clear that we are not unicorn hunting and she plays alone with the women. I’m scared she might get into a situation where she goes to woman’s house who is partnered, then out of the blue the guy shows up and she forced into 3 way out of threat.

4. How do deal with the risk of STI’s and those types of things with the girl on girl stuff.

5. I know the first few times she is intimate with somebody I think my heart and soul might break a little bit. It’s so hard for me as I know this will make her happy to experience this side of herself.

Honestly any advice would be greatly appreciated and I fully support the poly/enm lifestyle as a way of life. It’s just something I never considered to have to deal with, but I want to support her to grow and learn this part of herself.

One thing she did mention is that if the tables were turned she wouldn’t support it, we would break up so I could go figure out my own stuff. It did hurt to have her be this way, but I’m guessing she felt insecure about me being with other women and I don’t feel insecure that way as I know it’s something I can never give her. Maybe I’m being a doormat for her needs?

Please help 😭🥺😞