So the setting right? Myself 27M nesting partner 22F and partner 27F. Back lore is I met NP back in 2019. We knew from the start what it was and poly was on the table she is very naturally drawn to it and I was not going to be a hindrance to how she wanted to live. I was in the army I was gearing up for deployment and we got swept up in one another. Covid hit hard and we bunked up for the last couple months before I left. We had known each other six months and both decided hey let’s do the incredibly unintelligent thing and get hitched right before I leave for another country. In all reality, she had just lost access to health care, and I wanted someone who wasn’t my blood family to be able to exhume my remains if the worst happened.

We based it off of mutual exchange essentially a contract marriage but through the course of that time there when I came back I knew I had really found someone that I loved. We bought a home together last year all this time exploring poly and exploring one another learning, loving, figuring out what the future might bring.

Enter 27F partner, we met shortly after I had gotten my home which was like may of 22. I think anyway, like with NP we hit it off in a way I didn’t think I could. All parties were respectful of all boundaries I did my best as a hinge to facilitate time and comfort of them. 27F has two Children who I eventually met and I’ve become hopelessly intertwined with not just one but three other humans(no not romantically with the children I just view them as my own and care for them unconditionally). I’m loved appreciated and respected by both partners.

This last week I sat with 22F to catch up between work and other partners our face time is very very limited but we had been chatting here and there. We got on the topic of kids which is a long discussed topic between us as “I won’t risk passing on my issues to another human it’s not fair so I won’t ever see myself having a kid with you or anyone else”. She then told me without skipping a beat that she knew that deep down I want them especially after seeing how I was with 27F’s daughters. We talked over how it wouldn’t ever happen with us and the only thing that we care about for one another is us being happy. Be that as individuals or together. We touched on every good time we’ve ever had and we laughed and laughed I cried a little from laughing and a mix of happiness and sadness.

After that we decided to face up to it all, we amicably spoke about our long term lack of intimacy and almost at the same time we admitted that romantically the feeling just wasn’t as strong anymore. That we have become to incredibly close friends who do love one another but romance and intimacy just isn’t there between us anymore. Which started happening as she has developed pain from various forms of penetration no matter the amount of foreplay, couple this with my reaction to putting people through pain as a byproduct of my deployment and you get total fear of intimacy on my part and discomfort on her part. I talked about how guilty I felt like I had betrayed her at some point by having these feelings of wanting to swap primaries Which she legitimately laughed off. We gave each other the reassurance and promises and deals we needed to make/say. We agreed that once we’re settled in financially we’d dissolve the marriage and stop nesting together.

Not as an end to our relationship it will still be my home I just will be spending more time with 27F. Who has expressed that while she supports our choices she’s saddened by it because she held our relationship in high regards that as well as a nervousness of me being around “full time” asking for more time for herself because she is afraid of resentment appearing from close proximity living. All doable and respectable boundaries and feelings.

I’m losing my Nesting Partner by choice. For the health of all involved while accepting that not all romantic love stands the test of time. I’m doing this amicably and by Choice.

I’m losing my Nesting partner but I’m gaining a life long best friend who I can continue to watch blossom into a stronger person. It’s bittersweet but I know in the end it’s better to recognize the issues to save for friendship, no?