I’m 36f and in the place in my life where I want to settle down and enjoy stability. I’m partnered with a 40m who when I met him would be described as a “player.” We fell in love and have been together for 6 years. And we want a future together. And a family. There has been some emotional infidelity in the past on his part. He had platonic relationships with women that ended up pushing boundaries and I can imagine it’s all part of his seduction game. And I’m sure women’s intrigue soothe his ego. We joke that since Covid and since he’s been working from home everything’s great “keeping him away from society.” He’s now feeling like he wants to spread his wings he’s saying things like I always wanted to live in Brooklyn maybe I’ll just get an Airbnb there for a month.

He has an addictive personality. Never seems content. Even now when things are the best they’ve ever been he’s still not satisfied. He wants more. He has a history of childhood sex abuse so sex has always been an issue for us. He’s saying he wants to meet other people (he’s using bumble for friends) to talk about that and explore the idea of kinks. He doesn’t want to discuss any of this with me. I’m a very open minded person and I remind him of this often. That I’m adventurous with sex and we can make it fun but he isn’t interested. He doesn’t even want to hear about my sexuality. Something I once was so proud of and enjoyed. He needs to be in control the whole time so I basically lay there, don’t really participate and never initiate.

So I guess I’m asking for advice. I’m not interested in dating other people but if he’s “finding friends” how can I best take care of myself? I’d love to connect and discuss more if y’all are open. This whole topic is making me feel like I need to focus on my own friendships so he has the space to do him