My now ex canceled plans on me to prioritize a dude that's monogamous who's trying to force his wife to open up. Because "developments" with him and his wife were occuring they invited my ex to drinks. I told her I had feelings about it. She said she'd cancel. Then went anyway. I found out where they went, drove there and said plainly - "You lied about where you were, this is me breaking up with you, have a good night." She came back with "I have the right to change my mind on plans." In almost every other context, absolutely. Not when you canceled plans with me and told me you'd cancel plans with them. I explicitly told you how uncomfortable that situation made me and you did it anyway.

While they supposedly never fucked, he was doing a bunch of grimey shit. Sending her flowers, giving her shirts, saying they loved each other, pet names, flirting with each other while she was hanging out with him and his wife. All behind his wife's back as he's trying to force her to open the relationship. Poly under duress at it's textbook definition - gaslighting the wife under the context of being a supportive friend opening up while having an emotional affair with her husband. When I first found out about it - from the expression of feelings and nude photos, I told her it needed to stop. She told me that while she still wanted to work on having them open up, she'd not do anything else she or the guy needed to lie to the wife about. Well, that was a fucking lie. "I'm doing this for the wife." - Nah, you're doing it for yourself. I tried to explain the corrupt motives of "helping" the wife get on board while having an emotional affair for 3 months, but it fell on deaf ears.

Best part - he told her "she's special." He's never felt this way before. Never done something like this. Unfortunately for him, he also asked my nesting partner for nudes. Sent the screenshots confirming his lies after we broke up. She's still defending him. After he verbally abused her in a drunken text tirade while we were spending time together. After she caught him lying multiple times. It feels like the person I fell in love with - the person who espoused moral behaviors was replaced with this. Although it seems like the more I learn, this was her the whole time.

It hurts, because I told myself I'd never lie for another partner again, and yet here I was, finding out tidbits, and slip ups of furthering the emotional affair and letting it go on for too long. It also hurts because I prioritized her so much over the past 15 months, and apparently my relationship was that disposable to her. Posting on my alt, but if she finds this: Ya done fucked up, lost the trust of what you've told multiple people around us the best sex and relationship you've ever had. I hope this lying, cheating, drunk was worth it. Because if he's willing to do this behavior with his wife - he's willing to do it to you. You aren't special, you're just the one falling for it.