Not sure what I'm looking for here, it's just been such a whirlwind I need to let some of it out.

I'm in a new, organically made triad. Me and O have been together 12 years, O and K have been together 6 months, me and K have been together about a month and it's been so lovely and so hard.

They're both very reactive and emotions run HIGH when they disagree about something. I'm not very confrontational but do have panic attacks from they're arguments, I handle this by taking myself off to calm down.

Anyway, we've been together almost every day/night for the majority of 3 weeks now. I love having K over but do really miss having time alone, so I told them to go to Ks for at least a night a week to bond and for me to relax. They did this on Monday and K has been at ours since then, O was supposed to go again on Thursday but we realised id messed up the days and didn't fit in with work/picking up meds in time and that me and O won't of spent a night alone together this week at all. O let K know he couldn't stay over, this fuelled a row that has carried on into today. Apparently the argument was bad when I left the house (k told o he doesn't make her cum etc) but doesn't remember saying the things that's have really hurt him.

As I'm writing this out I'm really seeing how nuts and messy this all is. I really needed to take the time to do this

So today, me and K talked a lot and she told me that she wants us to only ever be a 3, not ever have sex in 2s, though we haven't had sex as a 3 yet as K doesn't feel ready, which is totally fine, I'm not massively bothered about this. K also said she never wants to spend nights alone and also told me that she wants us to eventually be a closed triad.

These are things that really are deal breakers to me, and to O. I have told her and she has said she'll have to start putting more effort into finding other relationships to keep her distracted. Seems fine but I'm very sure it won't be. I think to get time alone/ alone with O I'm going to have to be really blunt, but I don't think it will be recieved well.

At this moment in time K at ours switching between being OK and wanting to sort it all, to being furious at O but it's directed at me because O is at work. I have panic attacks when people come at me highly emotional, so when it goes tits up between K and O I'm either like a calm robot, or in my car hyperventilating.

I hate the thought that we are just nasty unicorn hunters that are treating her like shit, but this is too much.

Edited to add, tho I know it makes no difference - K is the first woman I've ever felt a connection with in my life. I was actually starting to think I was straight. When we're alone is amazing, but they don't want parrallel-ish relationships. So, that's why I'm holding on a bit tighter than I should be

Edited again to add - I've called it. I'm out. I feel sad but relieved