Hi all, thanks for reading and any advice you can provide. I'm relatively new to polyamory and have had a few relationships over the past 6 months in addition to my (wonderful) marriage with my spouse. I realized I'm more poly than ENM/monogamish and have found myself yearning for less casual or FWB situations and something more committed and serious. I don't love hierarchical poly or the terms primary/secondary partner at all, but I don't know how to phrase this differently so I apologize.

I keep wondering what having two "primary" partnerships would look like. I think about being with my spouse and another serious partner I am very committed to. I want to live with them both, meet family/kids, go on trips, be part of their world. Not just exist in a bubble where no one can know about us or we are just "friends" or just have sex and hang out once a week. I'm finding it hard to meet men who are open to this type of relationship structure. Either they want casual or more of a traditional primary partner (who isn't already partnered) or just want a FWB situation.

Does anyone have experience with this or have this currently with multiple partners? If so, how do you make it work and how did you find it? Thank you :)