ETA: Not necessarily a poly thing, but I myself am poly with both partners, and I didn't know where else would be appropriate with this topic. So I have a situation. I have my married partner (M) (of 24 years) and a fairly newish partner (F) Poly is still new to me (roughly a year now but not actively in it the whole time) My M partner was firmly mono. Both of my partners wanted a 3way, and I thought it'd be cool initially. We tried, I didn't like it ans ended up immensely anxious from it. Which they both were kinda shitt afterwards about. My partners had minimal contact during it except for a shared act I initiated. This all happened a shortish time ago and I've expressed IMMENSE distain and anxiety about ever doing it again, and continued to feel pressured. I said maybe I'd consider is again and left it there to work on my issues around it. Recently it was brought up in a very crass manner that M partner wants to be more physical with other partner next time. She has also expressed that too. I'm struggling really bad with this, because I didn't have to think about my M partner wanting this until very recently as he was firm he was monogamous. He took years to become ok with me being being poly in practice, and I was very patient. I feel like I'm not being given that same grace, and because he became ok with it, I have to too (theyve all but said exactly that). I know I can. But I need time, I fully realize there's inner work I need to do to and I owe him that as he did with me. But I am really feeling like I have to speed it up. Plus the pressure is on me I have to coordinate it all, plan it, encourage it, as he only wants it in a 3way setting. I just can't do it yet and don't know when I can, at this point I would rather him go find a solo partner so I don't have to literally see this unfold before my eyes. I feel like a hypocrite though for being so hurt by all of this.