Hey everyone. Just wanted to do a little venting, not really looking for advice more just some comfort. I've been with my partner for a year and a half now, and he has been with his partner for about six years now. We all live together. Me and my partner have both known we were poly for a long time, and his partner is more "poly accepting" then openly poly.

Anyway, our relationship has been kind of under wraps for a while. His partner has some insecurities about being judged for being in a poly relationship, and we lived in a very conservative place where it was not common at all. I'm very empathetic towards this. To everyone else in my life, they are my best friends and roommates.

My partner and I had been talking occasionally about how nice it would be to be more open, and we've recently moved to a much much more progressive place. Im trans as well, and I was excited to be a lot more genuine with my life outwardly, both by being publicly trans and poly. I field the occasional comments in my day to day about why I'm single, whether I'm dating, what the deal is with me and my roommate that I seem very touchy with, and it's been kind of a feel bad lying about it for the past year and a half to friends and family and colleagues. I mean it's kinda fun having a secret, but I also want to take pride in who I am, and show off my awesome partner haha.

Anywaaay we recently moved to this very progressive place, and I brought up with my partner how I was feeling about it and asked about when we could finally move forward with a public label. And I got, well turned down. Turns out his partner might never be okay with being publicly poly. And he understood that was a big ask, being a secret girlfriend, and asked if we needed to step back to just being friends if I felt like it was too unfair or painful. So not at all where I thought it would go, it hit me like a bombshell

The thing is, I would much rather be a "secret girlfriend" then step back. I'm incredibly happy with my life, this is just one disappointment and not a deal breaker at all. Like at all. I love him, and I love our polycule family. But this still gave me a lump in my throat that my life wasn't going to be exactly how I pictured it, so I thought a good vent was in order. Thanks for listening everyone, and feel free to send cheer ups my way 💖