I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. Though, by the time it rolled around, it was mutual.

It was my first poly relationship. Probably my last, too.

It has been way harder on me than I ever anticipated. Yes, breakups are always hard, but considering I moved on easily from the relationship before this one where we almost got married, I figured I’d have the same experience here.

But I’ve missed him tremendously. I set a no contact, “cut it clean” rule, but I just broke it because I wanted to see if we could be friends.

I reached out yesterday with a quick “seeing how you are” type message. He sent a nice reply back, so I thought things were good and we’d chat for a bit. But then he never replied to my next message, and he unfriended me on socials.

I feel stupid for thinking a door could still be open. And confused on his initial response and then the decision to unfriend. (I gave him an out in my first message. Saying that if he didn’t want me to message him, I wouldn’t.) but he replied kindly and then decided to ghost instead of telling me to not message.

He has the right to. I’m the one who made the no contact rule. We hurt each other, and he probably just wants me out of his life for good.

It was already over. But now its really over and I’m mourning it all over again.