A couple of months ago I decided to get back from my vacations from any relationships due to an honesty crisis on the side of my last partners (triad), that ended up giving PTSD to any form of attachment for the time.

I (M) decided to start small, and after going out several times with a girl of the same interests and vibe than I, we decided to try out a relationship.

About her: She´s a CIS girl that so far had only a couple of bad monogamous relationships, so all her experience comes from the usual bs the mainstream offers in regards of relationship dynamics and workings. For what she says her childhood was a shitty one, which albeit privileged, had a lot of problems with an alcoholic father, lots of fights, and a mother that projected everything on her, so she had some years where she had some issues with addiction and a couple of psychological stuff (severe depression and a bit of schizophrenia).

From the start of the relationship I told her that I previously was poly, and that although I have no issues with being mono, I would like us to create our own rules for the relationship so everyone is happy and that more than the romantic side of the relationship I value the friendship (which doesnt depend on hormonal high that lasts a couple of months).

I explained to her that honesty and communication are the most important things in a relationship for me, and that no matter what she wants, how things go, the better we communicate our honest feelings and actions, the smoother and richer everything will be (even if we one day decide to go our own ways); and that I will completely understand if she changes her mind, her desire change, or she meets new people that she is feeling attracted to, and that it will not even closely affect me as a regular mono guy, if everything is communicated properly.

I somehow jokingly made her take a couple of personality tests to have a better idea of what might be her profile, besides what she tells and knows of herself (obviously, I took everything myself so she has a good idea about my profile :)), and in all of them she resulted very similar to me, and with what surprised me a bit, a quite low monogamy rate, which I took for her own PTSD to relationships after what I heard about her past experiences.

Fast forward to the present: I have moments where I feel that she isn't being honest with me, for whatever reason.

Examples: She randomly decides to travel to her hometown for a long weekend without even telling me she planned to, and I was planning to do stuff together; She contradicts herself in some stuff she says; Sometimes she disappears for a whole day with no communication; A couple of times she randomly cancelled plans saying she was "very sick", but then when I call her the next day she's "all fine" and that what she had was probably some allergy. In short, I have times where I have a gut feeling that something doesn't add up.

I already talked with her a couple of times telling her how I feel, and asking if there's anything that changed that I should be aware of, and repeating her that I will have no issues with new developments; to which she just denies everything, but tells me about some other non-related to me things that might be getting her.

And well, after some time I still get those weird vibes that something is wrong, and I really don't want to keep feeling like this.

I somehow believe that after all her bad experiences with relationships (starting with the examples given in the family), maybe hiding her feelings and actions is a normal survival strategy that she got used to and that she just can't consciously avoid doing it?

I would really love to help her be more honest with me (and maybe with herself), and to get her out from that "survival mode" she's in (its the kind of people that always take everything as an attack on her, which I find really sad).

I feel that if this keeps going this way, I will end up having to stop the relationship for my own good, and I would like to prevent that, at least to avoid it cutting off in a negative tone for both of us, since I like her as a person, and could gladly be a friend.

Any suggestions on what could be done here?

I was thinking about lending her my old Ethical Slut copy, so she can get a broader perspective on our roles in structuring a relationship, and maybe trying her to repeat to her that I'll not be hurt if there are changes, etc. But my creativity only goes so far with this.

I've being too much time away from the relationship world, and have no more resources from which I could gather some wisdom for this situation.

I also thought that maybe there's a possibility of me just imagining all this things as result of my trauma with lying.. In any case I think that communication should help with that.

Ps. Can't afford counseling, I know that would be the optimal solution, but that's beyond the current possibilities.