Hi all :)

I've lurked here for a long long time on my main account, and felt the need for support today. I hope that's okay!

My NP and I have been together for 3 years and have always been poly. It started as V with me as a hinge, but I broke up with that partner 2 years ago. I've only been with my NP ever since.

My NP has a few comets he sees a few times a year. It's always been nice and I've always been happy for him. I started medical residency a year and a half ago, which we had to relocate for. My NP has been extremely supportive. The work hours are insane.

We've been invested in cultural project since we moved cities and i spend a lot of my free time there. I don't really have the emotional energy for relationships that are more than friendship, so i've been essentially polysaturated at one.

Beginning of this year, my NP and I decided that he'd start working in the project with significantly less hours. I make a lot of money through residency, so I can easily take on 75% of our expenses, so that my NP has more time for our household and also flexible time to spend with me when i'm working weekend and nights.

That was all fine ... A few days ago my NP realized he had a crush on a friend of ours (M, she/her). She also works part time in the project. She recently broke up with her NP, so I thought maybe she wasn't available and probably not interested in anyone. Well. The next day I got a call telling me he was going with her to a concert, they had confessed their mutual crush and had kissed.

I was really taken aback. I got really sad and emotional, I just did not expect it and suddenly my NP is dating a person I know and spend time with. We're very similar people and I guess I feel very insecure and threatened. I'm suddenly afraid my NP will soon realize that he could have the same person with many less of my unattractive strings attached (My insane work hours, the trauma I carry home, how tired and numb I can be).

I like my meta, she's great, I would call her my friend, but I'm scared she'll want more and I'll have to be alone.

Hosting meet-ups is difficult at the moment as she still lives with her ex in a shared flat.

Also, we'll be around each other a lot regarding the project, I do stuff with her one on one. I haven't seen her since both of them started dating and I don't really know how I'll do. Objectively: i like her, i love my NP, they make sense as a couple.

But it's hard to identify what is just jealousy and insecurity and real concern that needs to be talked through, like them being coworkers, me volunteering.

I'm starting to feel the most anxiety about financial resentment: i feel like i'm now essentially paying for my partner to have the freedom to date other people, while I'm left on my own.

My NP and I had marriage plans as we share finances. Family planning had been done (when residency is over), but these have been put on the backburner. I can't foresee the dynamic that is building and I really feel I have to reframe my mindset. I know I am not going to be in a situation to have the time and energy to invest in very involved significant relationships for me for many many years. I made that choice by going to med school.

I was wondering if anybody maybe had some supportive advice concerning this, mainly poly peeps who are financial head of their households and who deal with these kind of concerns.

thank y'all for bringing good insights on this sub everyday!