I need some encouragement and love. My NP (m26) and I (f25) opened our relationship a year ago and both had some experiences outside of our relationship but so far nothing that turned into a relationship for either of us.

But now, it seems that NP will be getting romantically and sexually involved with a person he is dating. And jealousy and abandonment issues are kicking in really hard. I am thinking about giving up.

It is not like he and I didn't put in the work. We established RADAR a year ago, we have gone through the most skipped steps, read lots of books and listened to podcasts. I organized a polyam meet up with a friend. And I totally get the freedom of non monogamy and the beauty of multiple close romantic relationships.

There is just so much internalized "this means I am not enough", "he will leave me and I will be alone", "I am investing in this relationship and this is what I get back?". I hurt and I cry. He really takes so much time to reassure me and to show me that he loves me but it does not get through. And I cannot go to therapy because I am changing my health insurance provider and it is not sure that they will cover it.

Maybe it is just that I do not date at the moment because work and grad school is really demanding. But even when I dated, it was not really so great compared to NPs dating success.

I would just appreciate some positive words and maybe encouraging stories that it gets better. Thank you.