I considered cutting him out of my life, but we work together, and are in the same friendship circles. Besides, I try my best to approach situations with as much compassion as I can afford. I know I took a massive risk and put alot on the line. I don't need to be told it was stupid of me to give things a shot. I'm just trying to figure out what to do now that things did go wrong.

For context, I'm a polyamorous person who hasn't dated outside of my live-in long-term partner for almost 7 years because of the way I've been used by men in the past.

I got involved with older men when I was 20-23 because I was naive and enjoyed the attention they gave me. I can recognise now that it was love-bombing and a way for them to boost their egos while going through break ups and divorce. These encounters left me with a lot of trust issues, which I thought I had worked through with my LTP, (who I met when I was 22), who has been the first person to show me what real, committed love looks like.

After years of building up my confidence and growing my independence, I started feeling ready to venture back out into the dating world recently, and thought a good start would be asking out a friend I've known for a while, who I'm very comfortable with and who has always been very kind and attentive to me. He was receptive to the idea, knew about my lifestyle with my partner, and we went out for drinks to figure out what we were both seeking.

When I first met him years back, he had been in a LTR with someone he was planning on marrying, but things broke down last year when she started showing interest in someone else. He called it emotionally cheating and they were unable to work through it, and broke up. He started casually dating multiple people a few months later, but said numerous times he wasn't ready for anything committed - just looking for connections and fun. This made me more comfortable getting involved, as a casual friendship-based exploration sounded like a good starting place for my journey.

The night we slept together for the first time, he told me beforehand that he had started dating someone new and that it was going really well. My heart sank, because I could tell from his tone that he was super into this girl, but they had only been on a couple of dates, and he was still unsure what she was looking for with him. She was also only just out of a LTR herself (2 weeks out) so he didn't think she wanted commitment either. He admitted a week later that he couldn't keep seeing both of us because he felt like he was emotionally cheating on both of us when with the other. This after sleeping with me for the first time. I wish he had realized this before getting involved with me. It triggered that used feeling in me from the past.

We've had many conversations since then and he has reassured me that had he not met this new person, he would have happily kept exploring with me because he values my company and I mean a lot to him as a friend. It was not intentionally a ONS. I need to make it clear I was not seeking any kind of exclusive relationship with this guy (I'm poly, after all - exclusive isn't really the lifestyle). I just feel disappointed we never got more time together.

The person he is exclusively dating now is another coworker, so I now have to deal with the anxiety of seeing them together at work. I had to hear second hand that they were exclusive, because he felt the need to tell everyone in the workplace about it, and hadn't had the chance to tell me in person yet (according to him). While in the whirlwind of this new romance, he completely forgot about me, which hurt just as a friend, let alone after sharing intimacy. He admitted later that he was hoping if he gave things enough time, things between us would go back to normal without need for any conversation. He has purposely avoided me.

After explaining to him that I was hurt by his impulsive behavior and quick change of mind, he has made an effort to try to patch things up, planning a dinner for us to talk in each other's company, and has made phone calls for discussion.

It feels like he's genuine about wanting to keep me in his life because our friendship means a lot, but I feel like if it meant that much, he wouldn't have risked it with that kind of selfish behavior, clouded by new relationship energy or not.

I've been doing tons of reading up and listening to podcasts on relationship advice and psychology to help me figure things out, I just can't seem to make up my mind with how to handle moving forward - with him or without him.