Hi all, I never thought I'd be here...I spent the last 4 years "single" because I'm a mother. Being a woman of color with small children has been deemed a scarlet letter in the polyam world. So attempting to meet someone has been a confidence killer with the repeated ghosting or the constant fizzle outs.

I think I met someone, which is flipping everything I've known on its head. So I met this guy on reddit with my spicy alt account and have been talking to him for over 3 weeks. He's super sweet and caring. He makes me laugh and we talk about anything. I never expected to even like the guy because at first he was a random redditor who's seen my boobs. But after talking to him more, he's similar to my NP in a lot of ways. He's so kind and we think alike about things, as well as disagree. We've had light hearted conversations as well as deep, more personal ones.

Here's my issue: I was originally just going to look for a fwb because I didn't want to get myself into another serious relationship right now, knowing that my family is moving soon. I don't do great with LDRs, so was mainly looking for a nice fling type relationship (jeez, I feel shitty saying that). I did want something a bit more than just a hookup buddy because being demisexual, I need some kind of emotional connection to get in bed with someone at all. Also, I've got so much going on in my life that it wouldn't be fair for me to hurt someone because I couldn't devote time to them the way they need because of all the plates I'm spinning.

But here's the thing: I can feel myself getting attached to this guy, and it's scaring me. I was even considering ghosting him because I don't want to get my feelings hurt. We met up for the first time in person yesterday, and it was so easy. He was just as sweet in person, and easy to talk to. My heart that I could feel slamming against my chest with nervousness,calmed with the first hug. Needless to say, I'm smitten. With us moving, I don't want to get super involved and have to leave. He also has a lot going on in his life right now, so is only lookinf for a fwb as well. But I can feel myself wanting to get closer. I'm not trying to adhere to the relationship escalator by any means, and a lot of the pressure is taken off by him having already have seen my naked body. I know that ignoring the relationship elevator means that I can have sex with him whenever, on my terms of when I'm comfortable. But I also feel like I want more than just a friend with benefits and my desire for closer intimacy with him terrifies me.

What do/should I do? Or rather, what are some ways I can reframe this in my own mind? I know I'm not going to ghost him, because that would hurt both of our feelings. I honestly feel frozen with fear at the thought of getting closer and then having to let go.