As the title suggests, why is dating so fucking hard!?!

I had an amazing secondary partner for over a year. We amicably ended the relationship recently. Because he now felt ready after his separation from his wife to look for that life partner relationship. That I just could provide. As I already have that with my nesting partner.

It's difficult to date and find someone to commit to pursuing a life partner relationship with while you are also dating someone else. I graciously stepped aside so he would pursue this new chapter in his life.

But now I find myself poly "single" I have my nesting partner who I have a life built with, and that all is great. We have lots of friendships built in our local poly community.

I am open to dating. Somewhere between passively putting my name out there to actively looking.

First I dipped a toe back in the dating pool and went on a lunch date. He seemed like a fairly "normal" person. And it was lunch. Lunch is harmless - especially mid-workweek lunch over my lunch break.

I could not have been more wrong about how harmless I thought this lunch would be. There was a decent amount of convo over the meal. (I did most of the talking cuz I tend to try to fill the silence with talking when nervous) He picks up the tab, we go to leave. He expressed he wasn't ready to call it done, so I agree to sit and chat in the car for a little while longer. At which time he proceeded to put his hands all over my body. I ask him to stop but he doesn't he says something to the effect of "you know how turned on I am by you"

I finally get him to stop touching me and then he won't stop asking me to come back to his office and have sex. You know "just a quickie" dude is still in my mfing car. He asks over and over and over.

Eventually, I can extract myself from that very awful situation. But I'm now put off trying to meet anyone any time soon.

Fast forward a few months, and I start talking to someone else, seems to be going ok, they are poly and living a truly poly life. (Bonus, no trying to convert someone) we set up a date, and on the day of the date, we are sending messages back and forth most of the morning. Then noon rolls around radio silence. I don't pay too much attention to it, I'm really busy around the yard, I assume other people also have lives to attend to. Getting closer to the time we set the date for still nothing. So I send some messages and get crickets. Dude effing ghosted.

I'm starting to feel like it's me... I am very open about what my life consists of, and what I have to offer.

Why is it so hard? I miss what I had! It was so easy.