*edit: I am also familiar with the RA smorgasbord. It's also great and I'm looking for things that tend to come up for you that aren't on there/that aren't as generalized/beginner level.

Hello!

I've been poly for many years now and also am super kinky. You know those checklists you can fill out for kink/sex stuff where it lists all kinds of things you might be into and you say into it/not into it/never tried it but curious or something like that?

Well, I would love to make something similar for poly relating. I feel like I have these conversations again and again about norms/agreements and I'm always forgetting something or the person I'm talking to is new or some such thing and it would just be super helpful to have a list of the various things that I could go through early on with folks I'm dating.

We all know there's ten million ways to do poly. As an autistic person who needs a lot of clarity in relating, and someone with ADHD who forgets what exactly could we be clarifying, I'm realizing that it would be super soothing for me to have a go-to base list. Knowing said list could never contain everything, nuanced conversations still need to be had, unknowns will still happen and with each relationship, we'll add and tweak things.

So yeah, I'm wondering if any of you know of lists that exist, have lists of your own, questions you always make sure to ask early, norms/agreements that are important to you or you like to make sure to get on the same page about, things you need if the relationship is going to become attachment based or if you're going to move in, etc?

*I'm familiar with the non-escalator menu, it's awesome. I'm curious about nuanced things that come up for folks that aren't necessarily covered there