EDITED TO UPDATE: thanks for all the advice and support, everyone! I ended up telling him the night before, and he did say he remembered I had that boundary. He did imply that he thought it was something I might grow out of, and I’m like “nah, I don’t know if THAT will happen”. So that’s that, and all is well in polyamory world. And I’m still ok with my man’s personal stank tho 🤓

My partner knows I’d like him to shower if he is coming to snuggle or hang out with me after sex with another partner. It’s a boundary of mine and we’ve discussed it.

He is sleeping with a woman tonight. Tomorrow, he is going to the gym in the morning and meeting me directly after. Not to hang but just to help a friend move some furniture.

The question/problem:

A. don’t want to smell her on his beard if he hasn’t showered, and he is not super likely to shower bc he is the kind of guy that thinks a shower a day is too much.

B. I really don’t want to make a big deal of him hooking up with someone else—we just worked through a lot of my anxiety and jealousy and I’m feeling good and really don’t mind that he is fucking someone—I just don’t want to smell her.

Am I an asshole if I meet up with him tomorrow and ask him if he showered last night before I kiss him? I don’t want him to think I’m triggered by the hookup but this IS a boundary he knows. I just don’t know if he will think about following it since we aren’t planning to really be physical together tomorrow tho