I’m currently dating a wonderful partner, and I’m not her primary. She is my only partner, and I don’t want another partner until I make more progress on myself. I was/am codependent, and currently practicing solo poly. This puts me in a unique position where I’m basically solo with one partner, and I don’t want to get another partner yet, however it short circuits my brain when dealing with jealousy. My partner is really stable and healthy and has the time and mental space to take on a 3rd partner, and I’m really happy for her and want the best for her.

So here’s my challenge- I consider me working on myself as my primary relationship, I see my partner as a close secondary, and I’m happy not adding another partner yet. I guess that makes it like a poly/mono dynamic? I also don’t mean it in a mono way, but I’m so happy working in myself and in my hobbies, that I don’t really want or need anyone other than her right now. The jealousy just kills me though. I plan on getting another partner, but not until I’m more secure with myself first to be able to take on another relationship responsibly. I also anticipate that even if I were ready right now, it would take quite some time to meet and vet the right partner.

I’m really into reading all about poly, have read Polysecure a few times, and have been into a few poly YouTube channels.

Are there any books or resourses you can recommend, or any advice you can give a solo poly person with one partner?