I posted a couple times in the past about my wife(43f) and I's(32m) rocky relationship due to her meeting a new man(46m) that she seemed way too head over heels for.

The quick details are that her and I have known each other for 11 years, dated for the majority of them, and got married in 2021. We've been open/poly the entire time that we've known each other. Our relationship has had its ups and downs. We got back together 5 years ago, and unfortunately, my unconscious behavior and childishness over those years drove a wedge in between us and made it very easy for someone else to swoop in and steal her away. She's an aggressive type, and so is he, so they click on almost every level aside from politically.

The long and short of it is that this new guy has shown my wife what a relationship with a stable adult man can look like, and she is no longer interested in our relationship. He takes care of her financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. She confessed to me that it's the relationship she's always wanted out of life cause she's always been the bigger energy and breadwinner for all of her partners. She says he's the only person she's never felt anxious around, and he never needs validation or comforting.

They've been dating 5 months, and he's monogamous by nature, which she is comfortable with because he fulfills so many of the checkmarks she wants in a relationship.

Because of our past, she is having trouble looking past my past behavior and can't not think of herself as my "mommy." She says all she sees me as is this cute cub that she'd like to play with from time to time, but cannot see me as a primary partner because she does not perceive me as the bigger energy and she doesn't think she'll ever be able to. She says it's not because of the other man, and it more so comes down to the age gap, mindset, where we are financially and mentally, compatibility, and total fit.

I've been working on maturing and being more of an adult by helping around the house, helping with the stepkids, taking more pride in my business, and my appearance and also trying to be more spontaneous and assertive to plan dates for the two of us. Even with this effort, she doesn't currently see us fixing this.

She wants to stay together for now to take care of the stepkids til they move out within the next year and a half. Then she says we'll have to have a talk about restructuring the relationship after that. For now, she says she just wants to enjoy the time we have together and not stress about the future because it could potentially change, but she won't give any reassurances or guarantees.

When and if the restructuring happens, she told me that she hopes very much that we can remain in each other's lives in some capacity. Whether as side lovers, best friends, or just platonically involved. She says I'm very important to her, and she has so much love for me and can't envision a life where I'm not in it in some way. We have a business together and still wants to stay as co-partners and not have to split it up. She still would want me to come to family BBQs and holidays with her family since they're so fond of me.

I'm currently dating someone else ATM, so I've put myself out there to fall for someone else and hopefully have something of my own.