When my parents divorced I was forced to live with my physically and emotionally abusive nmother, and then my father married an abusive woman so no matter where I went I was the subject of abuse and I never felt safe till I was in the military.

I’ve been trying to reconcile with my father but he just doesn’t get it at all. Yesterday I asked that he facilitate discussion towards reconciliation with him and his wife so I can feel like I have some sort of a family dynamic but he refuses to do that and says that we just need to forget everything that’s happened and move on. I said this wasn’t acceptable because we all need to work through the past together to resolve any tension.

He then decided to belittle my trauma but saying how could I be traumatised by certain abusive events when I had also been shot at and in situations where there was a high probability of death. He stated that how could being beaten by a woman be traumatic when I had also had guns held to my head (armed robbery in the pub I worked at before the military) and then subsequent situations that I had to deal with in the military.

I don’t know how to move forward with this, it felt like a kick to the guys when he said that to me and to be honest he copped the full brunt of my reaction to it and I just feel gutted by it

What the hell do I do?

Edit: after seeing my EMDR therapist yesterday I have decided to go no contact for a while. I’ve also realised that my dad is an enabler, for the longest time I only focused on who actually hit me and screamed at me the most and not the man standing in the corner watching. I remember one incident when I put my arm up to block a hit, my step-mom nearly broke her wrist on my arm, my father then jumped in and threatens to deck me if I ever raise my fist to her again. This is not normal behaviour and has caused me to re-evaluate everything about him. I’m not in a crisis at the moment but it’s making me question a lot about the life lessons and morals he instilled in me.