update- happy to report I’ve been perfectly fine and back to normal today

I developed panic disorder in 2021-2022, after some trial and error I found that Cymbalta did the trick for me, I was on 120mg and after awhile dropped to 90mg to see if it would help minor side effects. I’ve been doing great for just over two years and yesterday I had an absolute meltdown at the airport, I just panicked thinking of getting on an airplane. We had to cancel our vacation to California, we went home and slept all day and rested, I had a 2nd panic attack in the evening and needed my Ativan.

Today we decided to book a short stay at this beautiful riverside Airbnb in the Adriondacks NY, even brought our dogs. I was doing okay for a bit but now I’m an anxious mess, just watching a movie, can hear the river in the background, I’m crocheting my with my dog in my lap, my heart is racing, I keep having thoughts that I am going to relapse and ruin my life again for 6 months.

The worst part about anxiety is that I know this is all irrational, I have a nice calm quiet life and I’m in a beautiful safe place right now.

I wish I could take 1mg of Ativan right now but I had a glass of wine at like 4pm so I convinced myself I’ll die if I even take 0.5mg.