Like the title says, I've never really been a restrictive eater or dieter (small disclaimer - there was one period a few years back where I religiously followed the 1200 calories a day thing, but it was during a very hard year for me in general and didn't feel like a diet at all since I'd still eat junk food; I actually lost a lot of weight that way, which made some of my medical issues disappear, and improved my year more than anything). I've been a binge eater my whole life and, unsurprisingly, overweight my whole life as well. I'm a bored eater, emotional eater, celebratory eater, you name it. Nothing has ever been off-limits for me and I'm not a serial dieter. Reading the book for me was inspiring but I also had a hard time relating to a lot of the case studies and ideas of "freedom" regarding food.

I've tried intuitive eating, even keeping a journal to help, but it didn't stick. It felt restrictive because I would eat less than usual. The general process was I'd start eating, hyper-analyze how I'm eating and feeling, get worried that I'm overeating because I don't know what "full" feels like, get worried that I'd stop eating too soon to overcompensate, and usually I'd give up because the thinking was exhausting and not illuminating. Does anyone know how to deal with this? I went to therapy for a while and thought I'd gathered enough tools to manage my emotions and keep them from driving unhealthy behaviors, but I guess I haven't since this is still an issue.

Another issue is that I do need to lose weight and I don't know how to change my eating behaviors without weight loss as a goal. I want to have a better relationship with food and listen to my body more, but I can't ignore the giant sign in my head saying "YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR ACTUAL MEDICAL REASONS". To be fair, I'm not mentally okay with my current weight so weight loss isn't purely a medical goal.

I don't know how common it is to come to intuitive eating without having been a dieter, but it feels like I'm in the minority. I'm having serious problems getting into the mindset. How do you embrace intuitive eating when it feels like restricting? How do you keep from focusing on the fact that you do need to lose weight? Any insight would be greatly appreciated!!