Just a fair warning: this post is going to mention some really gross things. We're probably all used to it, but just as a courtesy, I thought I'd warn everyone just in case. Don't read this post if you are sensitive to bathroom talk, or if you just ate or might eat very soon.

Alright, so I've been dealing with HORRENDOUS, agonizing GI pain after I eat or drink anything. It lasts for hours and hours, and opiates are barely working. I've even had low levels of morphine and it didn't touch the pain. And that's the main symptom - just extreme pain along with some serious stomach swelling. It's kind of hard to get all the hydration I need when drinking fluids hurts too much.

Years ago, I tested positive for h. Pylori, and I've made two separate attempts to treat it. The first time, the doctor gave me Bactrim and an acid blocker. The pain came right back after the treatment was over. So my next attempt was Amoxixillin, Clarthromycin, Metronidazole, and Pantoprazole. I took every single pill on time and kept going until every pill was gone. But again, the symptoms just came right back as soon as the treatment was over. I've talked to my doctors, and the next step will be an endoscopy and possible third round of treatment.

Granted, I am immune deficient, and that's not helping matters. But something has to give. It's getting to the point now where I'm gonna have to start keeping pain medication in my system constantly just to eat without begging for the sweet relief of death afterwards.

Usually, it's just the pain and swelling, but I don't usually get all the other symptoms of gastroparesis: taking two bites of food and feeling stuffed, nausea, etc. Just pain and swelling. But a few days ago, I vomited undigested food. I had the audacity to try and eat two normal meals in one day, and I thought I was going to die. After being in pain for like 10 hours, my stomach finally just said F*** it and sent the food right back out. That has happened once before, but it's not usually what happens.

Another thing I've noticed is something that I recently experienced when I was trying a new medication for a little while. This medication gave me horrendous diarrhea (as it does for most patients). Usually, within 45 minutes of eating the only meal I could tolerate that day, my meal would shoot out of me at warp speed. And the smell would be so bad that it didn't even smell human. It was like rotting fish stuffed with hot garbage and coated in rotten egg soup. With all that happening, I noticed that my pain attacks pretty much almost stopped while I was on the medication. As long as food went through me like a laser beam, the pain was almost completely gone. Without that medication, I only "go" about once a week, and I usually have to strain. So maybe the food sits in my stomach, doesn't move, sort of "rots," and creates pressure and inflammation and thus pain. And then the medication finally flushed it all out? Maybe the antibiotics work temporarily because they counteract the bacteria from the rotting, inert food?

But I can't just take Ex-Lax with every meal; I share a bathroom with my roommate, and it's not fair to her to have to constantly wait for me to finish destroying the bathroom. And I don't want constant bathroom emergencies. I just want a normal "experience" if you will.

I just submitted my third stool sample. The first one tested positive for h. pylori, the second tested negative, and now I guess they're testing me for something else? I've stayed on acid blockers since the first round of treatments (not good, I know), and they're just barely managing the pain. It would be so much worse without them, but they're starting to lose the battle. This whole process is stupidly slow, i don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, and these attacks of soul-stabbing pain are going to drive me crazier.

Thoughts?