So, as a Sex Worker, an Adult Video Performer, BDSM enthusiast, and educator I wanted to weigh in on this!

As many others have mentioned orgasms can be really hard for women to achieve; as a transgender woman I actually had the experience of going from the typical AMAB experience of just tugging tighter/harder if you weren't getting off (but also having a very "peaky" pleasure curve overall) to a much more complex relationship with orgasm where ot was much harder to achieve but the state of arousal itself was much more fulfilling. Now that I've had bottom surgery I'm having to learn my body all over again.

Coming from that I will say that especially in estrogen dominant bodies the mental state of the person playing has a lot to do with the capability of orgasm. It takes feeling genuinely safe, and being willing to let go of control of your body to really have a fully bracing orgasm. That sometimes means "letting go" in other areas (bladder, prostate, skenes glands, &c) too XD.

Coming from that are a few bits of advice to help get in the mindset:

*Stop *trying to orgasm and instead start making time to play and indulge yourself. ** When you make orgasm a goal the experience becomes a kind of "pass/fail" game (that can be fun in the right context, but not just starting out learning yourself). The focus on whether you did come, will come, can come, &c will keep your minds' focus off of the sensations and fantasies that you're exploring. If you're not 100% focused on those it's going to get drastically harder to orgasm.

Focus on staying aroused for a while. Tease yourself. It gets much easier to orgasm when you're more desperate for sexual stimulation. Try finding some online erotica (stories, audiobooks, videos, hypnosis audios, photos, whatever you prefer) and make a point of reading it regularly and make some time to think about it a few times a day (on breaks, in the bath, &c) but don't just jump into play. Enjoy just being hory and getting hornier. It can really help, plus all the erotica is a fun way to explore what you might want with a partner (or partners) in the future!

You can even get adventurous on days at home and try some teasing toys too (vibrating panties, the magnetic panty vibes, light nipple clamps, a small butt plug, &c) they'll keep you pleasantly distracted but you can set them up so you won't be able to get beyond a moderate level of arousal.

Start planning an hour every other day, or every 3 days to play. Only let yourself play, fully, in these times! Everything takes practice and repitition. Anticipation is also a really good way to help build desire too. The goal with this is to decouple orgasm or any goal from playing and instead have the play become the goal itself. After a few weeks of regular play your body (and mind) will get used to it and you'll start to focus on "what can I try this time," "that felt nice before, maybe this time I'll start with that," and similar things. It's about turning pleasure into a hobby so you start thinking about how to have fun with it and start to release any shame and memtal blocks that come with the play itself.

After a while it will either happen or it won't, but either way you'll have developed a pattern of fun, playful, and pleasureable experiences for yourself and you'll know yourself really, really well! Then when you finally stop caring if you can come or not, and it sneaks up on you without you knowing, that's when it'll most likely happen.