I have moments when I have intrusive existential fear/thoughts of being all alone. Like not having my parents alive with me. I realized how much I have neglected developing a relationship with my parents because of some diffculties we had with each other but I have a terrible fear of regretting so much and how I was like numb to this for so long and did not try to be a better son, better everything with them. I don't know if I am making that much sense but I feel like am having such a bad panic attack. I am so scared of being this world alone. I am an only child. I have been crying yesterday and today.

My dad is 72 and my mom is 71. I am 33 and I also don't feel like I am ready to be an adult. I feel like I have no ego, no personality, etc. Like everything that was my life is gone and doesn't feel like I even lived my life. Part of that feels valid in the sense that I feel all my life I had anxiety withouit ever really being conscious of it or facing it. I guess because I found a way to get by/cope with it during like my school years through college and all. But more and more as I have gotten closer to the age I am now, I have been having dp dr in a severe way. I feel like my old self and all the things that used to work for me to like get by no longer work or like they are no longer there. i feel like this blank out version of myself who has terrible mind attacks and anxiety.

Remembering things can be very difficult and I like have intrusive thoughts of existential things revolving around being alone a lot. I miss feeling okay and how I used to be. I need a miracle please help. I feel like I can never really recover. I feel better after being around people I am used to like family and some close friends(who no longer live around here). I am so worried about losing the people I love and how I regret not doing so much more to have those quality relationships/connections with my mom and dad and even friends. I feel like I always had some dp dr that helped make me numb or like protect me but now the thing which protected me is so painful and out of control