My boyfriend has never hit me, but he is very mentally abusive and lately, some pretty big red flags have been shown to me. He is insanely mentally abusive. He makes me want to just put a gun in my mouth 5 of the 7 days out of a week. He makes me feel completely worthless. The signs I've been getting that he MAY hit me are really scary when they happen. We'll be in a little argument (most the damn time, there doesn't even NEED to be an argument, it's like he gets off on getting upset with me) and he will grab my entire face, start shaking my head and say, "I'm about ready to throw you through the wall." or "If you don't shut the fuck up, I *WILL FUCKING HURT YOU!"* It is so scary and uncomfortable when he shakes my head like that. I also want to add that this only ***USED* to happen while he was drinking, but it has graduated to just happening every single time we get into a fight, even if the fight is tiny. And speaking of that... This man will get upset/angry/fly off his rocker over the SMALLEST things. For instance, he will get OFF THE WALL ANGRY if I do small things like: spill some water, lay on him the wrong way, (by this I mean, maybe I accidentally knicked him in the jaw while trying to cuddle) ..the other day he was doing a "live" Instagram video, I called while he was doing it, having NO CLUE what he was doing, and he literally almost broke up with me over it. It'll be TINY things like that that end up with us in a fight, that end up with him nearly hitting me... I have been in three (now four) VERY bad abusive relationships, and unfortunately, I have only been in ONE relationship that wasn't abusive either physically or mentally... it's sad the way that works.

Anyways, maybe I just need some words of encouragement, I'm not sure. I came here for a reason, I'm just not sure what that reason is...

Thank you for taking the time to read my little story and thanks to anybody who gives me advice or even just a little lovin'/support. <3