So... not sure this is the right place but I need to put my feelings out there. I've been in what I (M26) feel is an emotionally abusive relationship on and off for the past 4 years. Encompasing dating, breaking up, being friends, and dating again. On and off over and over and over again, it's just most recently I've realised how manipulative and how abusive she (F28) is. She knows I'm autistic and struggle to read between the lines, uses my love for her kid against me and knows how I feel about her and uses that against me to. This could be a long read.

Our most recent interaction lasted 5 months. It had been a year since we had spoken before that when she had blocked me on everything because I advised her not to date a guy with a history of abuse. Anyway 5 months ago she reaches out curious to see how im getting on, myself having healed and been in a relationship for a while now. Her first messages were stunted and a bit cold but we settled into a pattern. Things continued like this, distant friends for 3 months or so when she finally dumped this guy. It was then she started getting her hooks into me. Heavy flirting with me, sexual comments, telling me my gf wasn't treating me right and and how she'd treat me better. I eventually fell for this, broke up with my gf and tried to start something I now know I should've left well alone. Turns out the whole time she was still seeing that guy.

She was now pregnant too so took him back in and then I was left kinda drifting. She said it wasn't her fault that I liked her in that way and to act like a man and deal with it. This should've been a stark warning but me being me I just plowed on ahead because I did love her. She decided to get it aborted and eventually that guy turned a knife on her and she had to declare herself homeless. I helped her through all this, encouraging her to get therapy, get the police involved and to press charges and helping buy her essentials to get back on her feet.

Once the abortion was dealt with she started getting flirty with me again and straight up told me she loved me and how I was perfect in her eyes. So I got it in my head this was it. I was respectful of her trauma, I didn't make any advances without her express permission.. but one night. A week ago she gets high and one of her brothers friends kisses her. She said it didn't mean much but it turns out she had him over twice again. When I asked her why she'd tell me all that stuff about how she loved me and then do this. Her response was again that it wasn't her fault all this happened, that she had no control and that she wasn't responsible for my feelings towards her. I pointed out that yes it was actually and she knew my feelings and had every opportunity to shut me down and she didn't, instead fueling the flames.

She blocked me again. On everything. The third time she's done this. So I wrote a letter describing my feelings, as I have done in the past and dropped it off. She subsequenly got her brother to come after me as I drove away to threaten me.

I'm writing this the morning after, wracked with guilt that I didn't do enough, that I'm an idiot for believing her and trusting her. That I broke someone heart for her and scared that she wanted me hurt. Nightmares and distressing images every time I close my eyes. I'm just an emotional crutch for her, until someone better came along. Why. What did I do wrong apart from ask for the truth.

TLDR - I keep allowing myself to get into abusive relationships with the same person who always treats me the same. Now I'm broken.