I posted on a throw away account about my traumatic relationship experiences, and I would like to share with everyone the comment that really hit home with me.

I was rambling about how a partner had turned consensual sex into non consensual sex. I wanted to know if maybe he was just caught in the moment, or if he really did intend to hurt me.

The comment I received was along the lines of, “if you had done that instead would you feel guilty? Would you apologize?”

If the answer is yes, they intended to hurt you. If you never got an apology, they intended to hurt you. If they got mad when you expressed it made you uncomfortable, they intended to hurt you. If you said no and they still did it, they definitely intended to hurt you.

Just wanted to share because sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s truly abusive behavior. And a lot of us have very wishful thinking of change, myself included.