Finally sent the break up text…

So to preface, I HATE break ups over text but this was a situationship breakup with someone who made me feel worthless so I feel a little less bad. It was bad timing in our lives but there’s never really a good time for something like this, I feel. I’ve also given them countless chances like I’ve stopped counting how many times I’ve given them another chance. I think they were trying to push my limits and see how far they could get and they got pretty far before I finally had to just say nuh uh to it all.

I (24) and this person (30) (we’re both genderfluid sapphics) have been off and on talking for a year. It was good then it came crashing down and keeps going further down. We hung out last night and their reaction to something I said when I tried to explain how they hurt me again really solidified that I needed to leave. They’ve constantly shown that they don’t care about me or respect me and that I’m basically on the back burner.

I knew they wouldn’t message back after my long text but it still hurts a bit. It’s taking everything in me not to regret the text but after being there last night and thinking about walking home that late or even sleeping on the couch instead of by them made me also realize that that’s not good. I felt like it also wasn’t fair to either of us for me to be miserable every time we were together. I shouldn’t dread seeing them because they’ll say something else to try to hurt me. each time I start to feel hurt about them not texting back, I just think about how they’ve made me feel so unloveable, worthless, and not pretty enough. I was constantly compared to their exes and previous fwb. It was exhausting and then them texting their ex while we’re naked in bed also sucked. They constantly showed that what I had to say didn’t matter whether it’s a sad thing, about my day, opinion on a random item or that I couldn’t keep their attention unless my tits were out and even then, they’d still get distracted by their ex! I didn’t mind being a sex object for them cause I love sex with them but it was just that I felt like it wasn’t never enough for them.

The sex was the best thing ever. That’s something I’ll miss a lot. And I’ve usually been good at keeping a fwb to just fwb but this one felt like a true friendship for a bit but I was wrong. Maybe I’m naive or it’s my BPD but I think I felt as though if I was always down that it would mean something but it didn’t. I was never and will never be good enough for them. So I’m not surprised they don’t want to try to be a better person. I’ve cried to them about how they’ve made me feel and they tried to turn it around or use excuses and cry and then I almost felt bad but then I realized that they aren’t listening and just trying to figure out how to not be the bad guy. We’ve had So many long talks about how they’ve treated me and most recent they called me insecure for it.

A month ago, I bled through and tried not to feel bad about bleeding through three layers and they just commented on how their ex would wear tampons instead of pads to prevent that. I didn’t need to hear that. If they bled through, I would just make sure they weren’t feeling some type of way or anything and taken care of.

I literally don’t go to one of my jobs anymore because they completely killed any confidence I had in myself that I’ve built up over the years. (Stripper is the job so confidence is key).

It’s only been a few hours since I sent the text and they’ve been saying they care about me for months but how poorly they treat me has only gotten more subtle and worse so it’s hard to believe a word they say. We were supposed to do a cute thing later in June but I mean, that’s no longer. I’ll miss the familiarity of them but not the way they made me feel since we would hangout about once a week. If it wasn’t for how they hurt me, everything else would be perfect. If I were to go into every way they’ve hurt me, people would think I’m a huge dumbass for staying. (Or if anyone wants to hear about it so they can feel better about their situations, I’ll totally talk your ear off)

I’m just so tired of crying over them. I hope I can get over them soon cause it hurts so much. I really believed for a moment that they might be willing to change to keep me in their life but instead I was just pushed away.

— TL DR: I sent a break up text with a situationship who treated me terribly and have mixed feelings.