I originally posted this on a different subreddit and was redirected here because my post refers to domestic violence. Honestly didn’t even know this counted as domestic violence but here we are.

I (22f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for about 7 months now. I knew in the beginning that he has anger problems but over time it’s gotten more extreme and it’s really wearing me down. Little things will set him off to the point of screaming at me or screaming in general, throwing things, hitting things, using aggressive language, etc. For example, last night he lost his wallet at a gas station and had an outburst in the parking lot. He yelled at the top of his lungs, kicked and punched stuff, cursed, and threatened suicide over and over. He then didn’t understand and was frustrated that I was scared of him. It took me an hour to get him to calm down. Earlier that day he needed help finding something and I didn’t understand that he was asking for help so I didn’t look. He found it and was moody with me so I kind of sighed and walked off and that triggered him to get angry with me. He was raising his voice and arguing with me about it and walked out while I was in the middle of saying something. He came back and asked me a passive aggressive question which I then ignored and that triggered him to start screaming at me.

This type of thing happens probably every week or two. And every time it does I freeze, shake, and shut down. I’ve had conversations with him about it and how I can’t be yelled at like that and he says he’s getting better with it but it takes time. In his defense, it has gotten slightly better I guess but even with it being less frequent it’s very hard on me. There’s been a few times that he has blamed his yelling on the fact that “I don’t talk to him.” I’ve tried gently explaining that it takes me a long time to open up to people and that I don’t always feel safe to open up to him. If I put it bluntly towards him, it would cause a fight. When we do argue, I always try to come from a place of kindness and love. He comes from a place of needing to be right. I’m trying to work together to find a solution and it’s like for him it’s him versus me. And in the end, I’m always convinced that it’s my fault we argue and it’s my fault I get yelled at.

I don’t know what to do at this point. We just signed a lease together, I make minimum wage so I can’t survive on my own, he doesn’t have health insurance so therapy or anger management isn’t an option. I love him but I’m tired of constantly feeling like I’m walking on eggshells and crying alone at night. Any advice or kind words would be appreciated.

TL;DR: Boyfriend has angry outbursts where he screams and gets aggressive. I’ve tried talking to him but it goes nowhere.