I have so much information on this but I'm trying to make this sort and sweet. If you have any questions please ask! My husband and I have been separated for 3 months. We've been going back and forth between wanting to work things out and being completely done. 99% of the time he treats me like a villain and is doing things that hurt my feelings. He says he can't afford a DV class right now and yet I see him spending money on other things. Anyway.

2 nights ago I had an extreme mental breakdown. I was working with my therapist on some things and my trauma got busted open. I was a mess. Sobbing, hyperventilating, shaking, chest pain so bad I thought I might be having a medical issue. I begged him to come over and hold me and to his credit, he did. He held me and didn't ask any questions. Just said, "I got you" and let me feel safe and sleep.

Here's the thing. Part of my trauma has to do with his roommate/ best friend who he puts in priority over me all the time. While I didn't have control of my emotions I told him to watch his back because his best friend is a scum bag. And now he wants to know what happened/ what I meant. I never wanted to tell him because I don't think it matters what the truth is, he will always take his best friend's side. I wouldn't put it past his best friend to lie and/or twist my words into making me out to be the bad guy. I still have cognitive dissonance but I know what I felt. I know what he did. He can say a million times that it didn't happen but I know in my heart the truth.

Anyway. I think telling my stbx husband is a bad idea because he's not consistent. I just don't know how he'll respond. But part of me wants to tell him because I'm PISSED it happened and I'm PISSED that he didn't protect me from it. (I had begged him not to leave me alone with his friend and he did anyway). And also Because I felt a glimmer or hope when he held me.

What should I do?