We've been separated 3 weeks but still high contact (my fault really, he usually ignores me). I haven't cried but once on Valentine's day. It feels like I need to do it in private and I haven't had a moment alone. But I have a lump in my throat day and night. My heart feels like it's exploding out of my chest. I have nightmares. It's like the longer we spend apart somehow the less important the abuse seems, you know? Like maybe I can handle getting pushed around and called worthless if I can just be near him. I'm hoping if I get a second to let it all out and cry I'll come back to my senses. He told me he was lonely. Not that he missed me, but that he's lonely. It's only a matter of time before he finds his next supply. It doesn't help that I get bad vibes from my therapist. It almost feels like she's taking his side? She said, "I'm here to support whatever you decide. If you want to go back or if you decide to divorce" and like... I never said anything about going back. Why would she put that out there? She also commented that I shouldn't have expected him to have my back when we were together. Idk. Maybe I'm just being sensitive.