Wife cheated and had an emotional affair. When confronted, she denied, and then minimized. She still has yet to try to apologize or make things right. Instead, she threatens self-harm and suggests she could just leave. Definite signs of borderline personality disorder with some narcissistic behaviors tossed in. Objectively, I can conclude that there was emotional and psychological abuse. But when I’m with her, her statements about love, and wanting me to come back, and how the dog misses me, and how we can work through this…she pulls so hard on my heart. Last night I stood firm and did not give in. I know it’s what I have to do. But it sucks so royally to not be able to tell someone who you love that you do love them, because that will just start the cycle over. I hate this. I hate that she cries herself to sleep. I hate that I feel empty now. I hate that her fears of abandonment have been turned into a self-fulfilled prophecy. I hate that my heart pounds in my chest at night yet I still can’t cry. I hate that I know I need to divorce her but I’m terrified of the word and of having to shamefully tell all of our family and friends that it didn’t work and why. What a waking nightmare.