My daughters father and I were together for 13 years. When we first got together, it was like a fairy tale. He was so attentive and willing to do anything he could to make sure I was happy. Looking back, this was just an extended honeymoon phase. I was young, and never in a relationship like it before. We moved in together pretty quickly, because I wanted nothing more than to get out of my parents house. My mom and I didn’t get along well, and my fathers energy was always negative. They did a lot of yelling, instead of talking.

Things were okay for a while, probably until I wound up pregnant. He was adamant that I had to get an abortion, and while I did agree with the reasoning (For me, I was young, and not where I wanted to be financially or emotionally) it sucked to hear him say it. Around the same time his mother passed away unexpectedly, and he was the one who had discovered her. Instead of dealing with his emotions, he would drink them. This led to a few physical altercations, because I had never been one to back down from an argument.

Things calmed down with his grief and we were able to have a decent-ish relationship again. We ended up getting pregnant again years later, and I gave birth to my daughter. My labor was awful. I had a terrible doctor (who had the audacity to say she was hoping she would have to cut me open, and that my daughter looks like ET) and was in constant pain for the 4 days before I gave birth. I don’t think he acknowledged my pain at all. When it came time to check in to the maternity ward, he would only come in and “check on me”. He didn’t stay ever.

Once we brought our daughter home it became apparent to me that I would be the one responsible for waking up at night with her. I spent so many nights driving her around just so she would fall asleep. That would be fine under specific circumstances, but I was working full time and he was a stay at home dad. I started to resent him.

My libido never came back for him after the birth. Instead of him trying, he would yell at me, and berate me for not wanting to have sex with him. The more he verbally abused me, the less likely I was to have to sex, the more he would get upset. I started to feel so mentally unwell, that having sex was a better idea than me being screamed at until all hours of the morning. This turned into an aversion, that I was still taking part in. It wasn’t ever enough though, and if we went longer than 4 days without it, his temper would flare up all over again.

Finally I told him he needs to get out. He has made me feel worthless for the last time. I don’t ever have any intentions on getting back together with him, or having any sort of physical intimacy with him ever again. I feel free, and so happy. For the first time in my life, I’m excited for the future.

Sending love. 🫶🏻