I (53f) was married to my stbx husband (48) for 16 years, but our friendship started when we were teens, so we have an almost 35 year history. I've never had much self-esteem and I tend toward shyness with guys.

My ex tripped all over himself at the beginning of our relationship to make me feel special and important. But he spent the next decade beating me down and treating me like I didn't matter.

Now that he's gone, the loneliness is overwhelming, and I'm afraid to let myself trust anyone not to hurt me the way he did. I believed he was the one for me and that there was nothing we couldn't work through together. Even when I was at my lowest with him, I had convinced myself that one day it would all be worth it and he would realize that I was good enough after all and want to be as perfect as he was in the beginning.

That didn't happen. He never decided I was good enough, so he's being perfect for someone else instead. I've been trying to undo the years of damage, but I can't get past the feeling that I'm not worth the effort, and it's crippling.

He's been gone for over 7 months, living a new life with someone he has deemed worthy. And I'm tired of being lonely and beating myself up over things I know weren't my fault. I understand that I did all I could, logically, but I'm terrified to be open with anyone else. The risk is just too big!

I've been approached a couple times, by guys I had dated before, but when I start to consider it, I shut it down. I mean, if someone I had considered one of my best friends decided I wasn't worth the effort, what's the point in even trying? Therapy hasn't helped, meds haven't helped. I had it so strongly pounded into my brain that I wasn't good enough, and I can't get past that.

If anyone has been in a situation like this and come out the other side...does it ever get better? I don't want to be alone forever.