Does anyone else experience this? My ex was the kind of man who would loudly talk about feminism, women's rights, trans rights, all that good stuff. He would talk very loudly about how awful it is to commit violence against women, that men who rape are the worst of the worst.

Then behind closed doors he would call me names, bombard me with vicious insulting text messages, accuse me of cheating, accuse me of breaking rules I didn't know existed, and never ever apologise or take responsibility. He lied to me about things I'd said, or things I'd witnessed. He once told me that he wouldn't go to therapy even with a gun to his head, and that there would be no point anyway when "I can just take it out on you and then I still get my dick wet". He used drugs when I asked him not to, he lied to me about his relationship with an ex, he tried to lock me out of an Airbnb in an unfamiliar place. He clenched his fists and trembled with anger at me.

But because he never actually hit me, I still doubt it was abuse, I still think I was being too sensitive or it was all my fault and I deserved to feel that scared.

(If anyone feels like reassuring me that it was abusive, that's welcome too.)