Reposting from my post on the DV sub.

Several months ago I escaped 15 year abusive marriage. I'm also a man. An ex. cop actually.

I always consider myself to be a protector of victims. So it took a very long time to accept that I am one.

And I have an absolute hatred for men who abuse women. When I was a cop, I would hunt them down like the dogs that they are. I wanted so badly for them to give me an excuse to put them in the hospital before I took them to jail. And like the cowards they are, none ever stood up to me.

Meanwhile, my soon to be Ex wife emotionally, verbally, and physically abused me for most of my adult life. Hit me. Threw things at me. Threatened to lie to the cops so I could get arrested countless times. Actually tried three times. 3 months ago she finally got arrested. I packed up my stuff and left. Filing for divorce soon.

The worst name I ever called her was a hypocrite. I sacraficed two careers, two homes, and a retirement fund to support her education. She went from minimum wage when we met, to a master's degree and a 100k salary.

I never raised a hand to her. Not even to defend myself. Sure. I am bigger and stronger. I could have dropped her with one punch. Then I could look forward to having my life destroyed by a DV arrest. She knew this and used it against me. When she was finally arrested, she was blocking me in a closest and if I tried to walk past, started yelling she would tell the cops I pushed her.

And...As I've tried to tell the story I get nothing but judgement. The mental breakdown caused a lot of problems at work. What's the first question my female boss, a former prosecutor, asked me? Not an I am ok...Not if I have support services. She asked me if I was charged.....

My abuser cut off my health insurance right when I needed emergency surgery. Venting to a nurse, that female nurse said "you shouldn't have made her mad."

During couples counseling, a female counselor cornered me during an emotional breakdown telling me I was being dramatic, while my ex sat next to me saying "see... This is what I deal with."

Imagine if the roles were reversed. A male counselor cornering a female DV victim, with her absuer sitting next to her saying "see... That's how she is."

No wonder I never told anyone and just took it for most of my adult life. I've spent 23 years fighting for victims. But no one ever wanted to fight for me. Because I'm the big man.

I really hope they wear their purple ribbons proudly..... Knowing that support is dependent on gender.