I posted the question on the cPTSD chat though I guess no one there can relate :/ posting here as well

This has been happening every once in a while and it’s kinda weirding me out. I’ll find myself forcefully refusing to think or perceive reality, kinda just sit there, thinking of nothing, feeling nothing. It’s probably not a simple dissociative state because I do get bored. I instinctively turn on my phone and look at reddit. I see the first post- it’s a picture with some text. I look at the image yet before I can read or understand what is in the post, I instinctively scroll down. I disturb my own perception. I stop myself before I can seriously perceive the post and I don’t know why. Last time it happened, after I started thinking about it I realised that I had a feeling that if I let my mind relax (which would happen if I focused on reading the post), I would instantly start feeling that weird, distanced sort of fear/anxiety. (So I subconsciously stopped myself before that happened) A few weeks before that, it happened again because reading my diary notes kept triggering excitement and I felt annoyed with that emotion. (Again, I saw the text but subconsciously kept looking away before recognising words) Even before that- it was because perceiving a dumb movie kept triggering sth I called a “disgusting sense of dumb happiness”. (The feeling surprised me at the beginning of the movie so I shut up the entirety of my emotions and watched the movie without really feeling anything)

Worth mentioning, I don’t mind being happy nor excited normally. I do also feel that fear/anxiety on a regular basis, especially before therapy and in the mornings and it’s ok. It’s just weird.

To be fair although this can probably be explained by a lack of cooperation when brain parts are blended, I’d prefer to look for explanations unrelated to OSDD first :/ Does anyone here go through anything similar, maybe?