Has anyone in their journey gone through a process of what feels like "coming down from auto pilot?" It's really hard to describe. Like all these little parts get activated that i thought i was connected to, but I'm realizing it's more like just a bunch of activation and i sit here and I'm like aware all of a sudden and i keep asking myself who the hell has been flying this plane? It's been pieces of me, but it's not me, so to speak. I am not totally checked out but i am checked out enough to where i don't feel connected to different emotional states all the time. I experience feelings of confusion and not knowing emotionally what time/year it is and feelings of "where have I been?" when things become really clear. I experience a "come down" and a feeling of like I've emerged from being underwater. I feel like somebody else flies the plane and now I'm here, looking down at the controls, almost being like, holy shit, I'm in a plane, I need to learn how to really fly this thing. Then there is a haze and some brain fog. Feelings of being tired. The activated parts go away or retreat and get quiet, and I feel unfamiliar with this person who remains, who I think is me, my well adjusted part. There is so much checking out, there is so much being suspended in time, there is so much being in the past, there is so much little parts.

Really hard to describe but wondering if anyone could relate to the words I am trying to say.