Every time i come to my girlfriend’s house, one alter in particular loves to just degrade me the entire experience. I am people pleaser on top of social anxiety, depression, and literally anything else that prevents me from talking normally. Basically, i’m a doormat. Of course her and her partner (were poly) don’t walk over or have done anything wrong. They are amazing, and I think that’s the problem.

Most of my problems like people pleasing and not being able to stand/speak up for myself, come from a ex of mine and just bullying. It lead to me just having my mouth shut. You could be burning hand accidentally and I won’t say a word to not inconvenience you. But anyways, this leads to me to not saying anything when something bothers me, or when i’m overthinking. I also have BPD do that helps none.

This happens every time i come over. They probably won’t do anything and i’ll make up something to overthink about. My alter (Zach) lecturers me on and on and on about how i should speak up about my concerns and what’s bothering. He tells me to just open my mouth and talk. With him yelling at me, it’s hard to actually do it. Especially when i already struggle doing it in the first place.

He is so persistent and it’s annoying. It doesn’t help, it only just drives me over the edge until i have yet another meltdown in my girlfriend’s bathroom. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so stressed.