With over 24k users, we’re seeing some changes to how people interact here, warranting an update. 

Our mission remains to facilitate a sex-positive community where our readers can inform themselves about the unique and exciting lifestyle opportunities in our fair city, ask for and receive considered  advice, seek out and find likeminded friends and play parties, and share their experiences with others. Everything we do here is intend to foster that. 

Issues we’re focusing on, as a mod team: 

1. Spam and bots: These sometimes slip through, please flag them for review and we’ll gratefully remove them. Also, If it seems too good to be true - it likely is. Keep an eye out for those F(18) profiles with a “breeding kink.” Try not to be the person who comments “DM me babe” on them. We’re laughing at you , not with you when that happens. 
2. Low effort comments: Yes, we’ve got a bee in our bonnets about comments like. “DM’d” or “PM me” and variations thereof. If you’ve sent someone a direct message, it’s superfluous to comment that you have done so. Or if someone has taken the effort to write post here looking for someone who you, directing them to reach out to you because you can’t be F’d to message them is not a winning look for you. Note, please read carefully: if the DM function doesn’t work (which happens often), do leave a comment letting them know that you tired and it’s not working. If you’re clever you’ll mention a bit about yourself too. 
3. Low effort R4R posts: This is not Ubereats for sex. You’re not going to successfully make a post of 50-100 words explaining what and then have people knocking down your door. Make an effort, trust me, it will increase your chances. People do connect and have sex via this sub-reddit, but it takes some effort to get there. Put your best foot forward or expect your R4R post to be removed.  We don’t want the clutter. 
4. Mixing post flairs: we’ve added two new flairs (see below) but we still find people starting out what looks to be a “roll call” post turning into a R4R post. These will be removed. 
5. Repeated questions: There is a search function and, by now, literally hundreds f posts answering general questions about the Shed or Wet on Wellington, or Between Friends Wine Bar, etc. or posts providing advice to single males, or for couples looking for their unicorn…. yawn! Search is your friend. 
6. Positivity (sexual or otherwise): While we suspect that some users find the ability to anonymously flame or bad mouth others here to be quite exciting (maybe compensating for some deep emotional wound or personality disorder?), we don’t tolerate it here. You will disagree with people online, as in person. You are more than welcome to explain why you disagree and even get your self into an emotional tizzy and indulge in some hyperbole. Who hasn’t? But your comments will be removed if they become ad hominem, antagonist or designed to belittle others. In some cases you will be banned. We have no patience for ill-will, negatively or the perennially angry.  
7. Propositioning people in the comments: R4R posts are the only posts where it is acceptable to proposition or seek potential sexual connection with other users (and if you do, you better match what they say that they have been looking for). It’s not only tone deaf, it’s the kind of bad behaviour we call out in real life at clubs and parties. This will get you a warning ban. 

New Post Flairs

• Missed Connections - you were at a party or venue and had the best time with someone but didn’t get their deets - this the flair for you. Be specific about the date, the venue and then be sidcreeo about ho you describe yourself and the missed connection. Names or other personal info will get the posts removed, so circumspect. 
• Roll Call - heading out to a party or venue in the coming days and want to chat to others who might be doing the same? Looking to for a posse for the evening? This is your flair. Make sure to be clear about the date and venue/party….but do not make this a R4R post! IF you’re doing a roll call in order to hook up  - don’t. Make a R4R posts. 

Safety in the Scene & Event Promotion

We post a monthly events calendar and encourage party and venue hosts to promote their events here, with the hopes of helping inform people about all the cool opportunities there are for us here in the Melbourne region. We’re really quite fortunate! 

As a mod team, we  do not include small house parties that pop up from time to time on RHP or Fetlife. No judgement on our part about small house parties, but we can’t really verify or vet the circumstances under which they are held, or the who the hosts are. Importantly, there are a few parties that we do not promote on our list here, due to personal experience or credible proof that they are not safe. Yes, this is editorial curation. 

Just because something is not listed here does not mean that we think it’s unsafe. But in some cases that is exactly the reason. Rather than speculate about mod-team bias or allegiance, we recommend that you simply post a question about the party or event, and the community will answer for you. 

While we try to post events that we know personally or are confident are generally safe and well regarded in the scene, there reality is that the sex-positive community remains a mostly unregulated space. The drug addicted, emotionally disregulated and criminally associated will gravitate to these spaces. With the police often disinterred in becoming involved and victims are muted and we don’t often hear their stories. Be forewarned and be careful.   

Party Host Disagreement Posts/Comments in the Subreddit

Those of you who are frequent users will have recently seen some spectacularly bad behaviour by some local party hosts and venue owners here.  

Note: there was a public statement by a sizeable group of respected hosts and party hosts about no longer working with a particular party purveyor, due to safety issues. This was a uniquely positive uniting of people with disparate business interests and incentives coming together to call out what they saw to be a safety issue. That was a welcome post. 

Sadly, that post precipitated an ugly spate of sock-puppet accounts posting hateful things about everyone involved. Since then, there’s been a lingering “bad taste” in the mouths of several of the party hosts, which airs itself here from time to time. 

Disagreements are fair to discuss here. Personal attacks are not. 

For example, there was a discussion about “Consent Angels” earlier this year. The idea of Consent Angels is novel and genuinely positive one for some events. It’s also worthwhile critically discussing the selection and purview of these people. That kind of discussion is a wonderful way to promote the good intention, to inform the public of this point of differentiation for parties that employee them and to answer the kinds of question that many of us in the community have about the topic. Sadly, this discussion devolved playground name calling and bullying. 

Those party hosts who make it a point to post or comment with the sole intent of defaming another party host that they disagree with or dislike will be removed, and eventually their parties will no longer be promoted.  

If you’re associated with that kind of behaviour, it sends a clear message to the 24k- plus members of this subreddit that, if you’re unable etc have a civil conversation about points of difference, maybe your events are not safe spaces.