What is a ‘Consent Angel’ and why is it needed?

‘Consent Angel’ is a very new term. Something that I have only seen pop up in the scene in the last 12-18 months, probably even less.

They proport to be, someone who walks around an event, and attends to your safety as a patron.

Why are they needed? And what experience or knowledge do they have?

In my experience usually if an event is unsure of the safety of thier event, a consent Angel is ‘employed’ as an outward validation that consent is being attended to. Or attempting to be managed in this manner.

Events that are open to the public, by people new to the scene, large events, with large and unmanaged sex on premise areas with little to no protocols, is why I’ve seen the proliferation of this term.

Not knowing who is in the room at any one time. No cross checks regarding known scene ‘pests’. This is where this issue, need and desire to be seen controlling, an actually out of control issue comes from.

Where do I predominantly see them popping up?

Newer events. Open to the public, with little to no vetting of who is in the room at the Sex on Premise events.

Why all of a sudden are consent angels being talked about and ‘seen’ as needed?

Newer parties, who have organisers that are new to the scene with little no protocols around safety, often the event producer is also new to the scene, so really has no idea who thier audience and patrons are. Audiences garnered from public advertising and promotion. Not word of mouth.

Or someone who has been called publicly on safety recently.

Who are these consent angels?

Again, generally single women, often new to the scene themselves, often less than 12 months. Also generally with little to no personal experience in open relating. ‘Single women’ new to the scene. Often given huge power to intervene and interrupt sensual and sexual play, and with no social dynamic training in BDSM, complex poly, swing, non-monogamous lifestyle. Little to no training. Walking around the venues in high visibility vests wielding power to throw people out on thier say so. They are usually unpaid, in a volunteer role. So given access to an event, for free, given quite a large task of ‘implementing safety procedures’, and again, with no real guidelines or protocols.

I have also witnessed it be said in many of these roles they are also allowed to engage in play themselves, and also ‘party’. As in participate. Whether that be in play, sex, alcohol or drugs.

HUGE RED FLAG 🚩

I witnessed one person (a male), who is very experienced and respected in the scene, be removed from a venue recently, in the middle of an event, for no real reason. No cross checks were done to confirm that said transgression (touching a woman’s behind uninvited) had actually happened. The person was immediately removed from the venue, not told why, and not given any chance to state his case. This event used to be held at a 200 person liscenced venue in South Melbourne.

Again, I witnessed this whole occurrence, as I was in attendance, I’ve been doing due diligence and observing newer events. However as an event producer myself, and nightclub professional or more than 30 years, when they asked my opinion, after the event, I politely said, ‘You run your event how ever you see fit, it’s not for me to intervene’. But I was appalled.

Now as someone who has run a large scale event for more than 20 years - the PURR parties. We have practices and protocols in place for any such issues on the night, and even before. We have developed these over time, and within the boundaries of not only the Sex on Premise element, but also within our combined experience of more the 60 years working, managing and running nightclubs. Sometimes there are legal aspects that we have to take into consideration also. And we have protocols around that also. Will you see us write long winded information about this element on our website. No. Why? Because our reputation stands for itself. We stand by our safety history, and the people we allow into our venues. Hence why we have a screening process. Our screening process is not to see if you’re a size 8-10. It’s to see if you’ve been referred by trusted people and other key elements. And being a membership only event. We know who everyone in our event is at all times, and even who referred them. Also why photos are required in our applications! Safety!

Unfortunately what can occur, in these situations, and we have seen previously, and had to manage first hand, is upset or vindictive people, make something up, to have someone removed maliciously. It could be an ex partner, someone who has turned you down sexually, someone who refused to buy you a drink, or come as your date, someone who slept with your ex. The list goes on. Having an untrained volunteer in a fluro jacket, with no background info, or training, does not prepare them for this.

Due diligence is needed for these people to add any value to an event. Incidence should be written down, incident reports taken. Making sure you get both sides of the story, the list goes on. There should be basic and standardised protocols on what and how thier role is carried out.

Hiring, and I use this term loosely, as most of these people (predominantly women) are in unpaid roles, are not trained, or in any way an expert in conflict resolution, safety, sex, intimacy or the scene, or trauma informed. They are self nominated ‘experts’.

I have also seen some of them quite aggressively marketing themselves in the swingers spaces online as needed additives to ‘all’ events….. or calling out events without consent angels as ‘unsafe’.

Consent Angels are NOT, I repeat, NOT, a sign of a safe space.

Long winded safety speeches on websites are also not a sign of a safe space.

If anything. In my experience, those touting these things have had to do so, after opening a space, not knowing what they’re doing and then having to blindly try to claw back credibility (after clear safety breaches) by making public statements on safety. Which is pure lip service. 🚩

What I have witnessed first hand, is a lot of new (less than 2 years running), large sex on premise promoters touting long statements about safety, who have no background in the scene, not swingers themselves- or kinksters- or BDSM crew, not event nightclub workers or even event producers. Why are these people even running these events? Throwing themselves into this space, with little to no experience, and then lording information around safety…… troubling.

How can people with little or no swinging experience, open relating or BDSM, run a safe and knowledgeable cohesive space, if they have never experienced the dynamics of a swinging or kink relationship. Have only been to a handful of parties themselves (3 in one case). The mind boggles.

Again, be careful out there….

Choose wisely.

*my reason for posting this is not malicious or to stir the pot. We are in the process of creating an independent body for monitoring and advising on safety protocols accross the scene. Because is quite clearly needs to occur right NOW.

And by we, I mean a group of individuals, from different backgrounds and businesses, who have long industry history, and strong protocols already in place. We will also been linking in with liquor liscencing and law enforcement, in the process of drawing up these industry guidelines.

Participation will be voluntary, as it’s not something we can legally mandate. Nor would we want to necessarily. But we are hoping that the creation of a multi headed alliance, with trusted long standing industry professionals, from nightclubs, liscencing, law enforcement, link, bdsm, sex on premise, long term professional operators, might help usher in some of the newer events and spaces and allow them access to to information, and training regarding safety and the scene.

How will you be able to identify events who agree to the protocols and have done the training? There will be some kind of accreditation process and a badge they could add to thier flyers or websites, but also an independent website listing, So you can cross check that accreditation, for all who adhere as agree to the guidelines. There will also be an independent monitor and space where you can report any scene issues to. Where the panel will discuss and action at monthly meetings how to proceed.

I have personally mentored and offered to mentor many of the newer operators however was met with pushback, or ‘competitive rudeness’. Thier call.

This new system and framework will also have an element of ‘alerts’, so any troublesome people, who pop up, ad are flagged. will be cross checked across venues and warnings sent out to all events spaces who choose to participate regarding known predators, rapists, serial problem People, or worrisome individuals. All due diligence will be done in the process. And law enforcement involved where necessary.

A lot of this stuff has always been going on the behind the scenes, for us anyway, but as so many new operators flood the scene, and don’t want to politely engage in discussion, or heed warning regarding troublesome individuals. Or are actively working with dangerous people. Some new operators Have been caught actively recording and distributing delicate and potentially legally implicating information and endangering our safety in this process. We can’t publicly out then yet. But I feel it important to make it publicly visible and transparent here, so YOU as the public know what’s happening behind closed doors. We can’t name names, or alleged perpetrators, crimes or victims yet…… or related co-conspirators to the main named individuals, however all will be revealed soon.

It has to be done in a legal manner, to avoid defamation, and also impeding police investigations, charges and legal actions.

Don’t message me to ‘get the goss’. Keep your ear to the ground and your intuition and gut engaged. If something feels ‘off’ to you, or you’ve been warned about a particular venue, party, person or operator. Ask questions of many who have knowledge and who you trust deeply. Or, Maybe just steer clear for a while.

Reach out if you have any questions or require further information. No we can’t disclose information regarding active investigations. Please refer to the current public statement which I will post again in this thread soon. And as another thread to refresh it and keep it front of mind.

Also, if you have any serious safety reports, concerns or issues. Please report them to:

[email protected]

All will be revealed soon.

Regards

Miss Pussy

Isadora from PURR