āOk Iām just going to put it out there as an addit to the other big discussion.
Iām inviting feedback. Not to me. I stand by what I say 100% and have many people who back me on this. If you inbox me to harass me I will block you and report you.
Itās ridiculously unsafe in the scene atm. Look at the amount of dodgy characters joining the FB groups, RHP, etc. who are ānew to thisā and just trying to get an easy lay.
Harassing women in their DMās. Admins not deleting them. One guy even pimping out his trans āfriendā in Facebook groups. Another guy claiming he is a masseur, offering free full body massages, with a clear agenda and not deleted. RHP and AMM allowing house parties to advertise without any vetting restrictions or conditions. Open soliciting for door dates to venues in FB groups. Barely any talk of safety in swinging in these FB groups now, and there are unprecedented amounts of new people in the scene.
I have seen and heard first hand of at least 7 sexual assaults at venues, and privately run events, in the past 6 months.
One person has been charged, but many many many get away with it, because people are too afraid to go to the police.
Some people are getting into private parties and events unvetted and doing whatever they please. Plus there are long time swingers whose reputations are known of, who get away with whatever they feel like, because they know that no one will speak up.
At least 90% (at a good guess) of single women I know have experienced some form of sexual assault or uncomfortable sexual experience like coercion in the early days of their swinging journey. WTAF? Coercion being things like, āI donāt feel safe or comfortable, but I canāt get out of this now, so I may as well just get it over with.ā
Speak up. Go to the police. If you want to help keep swinging alive and people safe, weed these people out. Protect your friends and partners first. Support anyone new or vulnerable and teach them how to look out for red flags in the scene and how to say no. Stop blaming the victims and saying itās not your problem. Itās everyoneās problem in swinging, because it could be you or your friend next, or your partner.
Letās hear your stories. More importantly, let the police hear them. Itās time to speak out.ā
Something I've always been told about the lifestyle is that it's very self policing. & Although my partner and I have been in the scene so to speak for about 2 years I think I have noticed a continual shift away from this too and the scene is definitely getting more unsafe. It's important that people go to the police but there's a plethora of reasons why people do not: lack of outcomes, shame surrounding the original event, stigma, the list goes on and on. I do have to disagree with you (in my opinion - but only partly... sorry) when you say people get away with it because victims don't go to police and the overall sentiment that this lack of action has caused the lifestyle to be unsafe. There are other routes people can seek justice & I think we should be careful when asking people to go to the police as it can be really traumatic and triggering for people. Some may be encouraged to speak out when others do, so it's important to encourage but we just need to be a bit sensitive here.
The police have an important role to play but I believe what will have the most impact is to bring back a greater sense of community and self-policing. This includes encouraging safety and calling out bad behaviour no matter how seemingly insignificant. A recent post on Purr's instagram I think is an excellent display of calling out and issuing encouragement for people to go to the police - although I personally am not across all the details past what I've read on there. We collectively need to weed out the people who use the space as a hunting ground because they will destroy it all from the inside - pic collectors, wife hunters, druggers, assaulters, fakers - who are by a vast majority are shit-scum-dirtbag men.
I've reached out to you privately to get more information and to confirm the accusation that you have levelled. It would be really helpful if you would respond to my messages to you, as I'm trying to help.
Thanks for the comment - it's actually quote helpful in clearing that I've possibly conflated two different parties.
Because of this, I've removed my warnings and am trying to reach out to the original commenter for clarity about which one they mean (they've posted twice about it, and their description fits the one I sourced.
Obviously we want to do two things: protect our community from parties like this one: Ā https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable
...and also protect the reputation of good parties like the one you mentioned.
Thanks for being genuine and helpful. We need more user like you.
Appreciate the heads up.
FYI I'm trying to do two things:
1) clarify which is the event mentioned that was mentioned which has these crazy conditions
2) ensure that I'm not misspeaking about a possible great event organiser.
Snide remarks are easy but not particularly helpful.
Thanks kindly for your message. I've sent yo ua private message. Hope to speak soon ,
The previous poster was from an account created today for the sole purpose of commenting on this issue, as have a few others. It's the reason why it was deleted. But what they said had merit, which is why I left an open comment for them.
I think we have a duty here in the sub to be proponents for the best kind of parties and guidelines, so I'd like to learn more about how their parties are organised and how consent is handled, many people seem to see it as a benchmark.
Can you share your observations about that with me, please?
Because several trusted and known members of the community have responded positively about EI, I'm now going to proceed very carefully to suss out what's happening.
But this comment is coming fromone of several seeming sock-puppet accounts that has popped up to respond to this issue.
I'd now like to establish who is who and what exactly is happening - was this a real issue (as you noted, they have posted about them before)? was this a mix-up of parties?
if you are the party organiser, I'd encourage you to reach out to me directly to resolve. If you know who they are, please connect them to me so that we can reslolve this ASAP - I intend to post a correction post, once we have more information.
I complexity agree. If I have the opportunity, I'll apologise to the party hosts, too.
It sounds like they may have mixed up the names of two parties:
Elite Insatiable, who appears to have a good reputation (as you confirm) and Insatiable GangBang, which appears to have the "rules" this person is describing (see hereĀ https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable)
In a shocked attempt to make certain that the second group doesn't get traction in our community, I posted some warnings - which I've now removed.
This appears to be an honest mistake, I've reached out to the commenter and have also reviewed their posting history. Let's leave off the internet conspiracy theories until it's been cleared up.
I just did a bit of online sleuthing and found this quote from them:
"Ā A set of rules designed to limit women to sexual activities that men approve of and that satisfy male sexual fantasies (two woman at once....and bi sexual women) while only increasing women's opportunity to have partners of the opposite sex where another woman is provided by that man for her partner....
...Although the numbers of women at our parties are much smaller then the number of guys, the guys typically get to have sex with as many women in a night as they could possibly handle. This is in stark contrast to what you can expect at a mainstream swingers party."
source: https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable
That is batshit crazy, insane and irresponsible! This party needs to be avoided at all costs.
The purpose of this post was to solicit a discussion on poor experiences in the Melbourne Lifestyle related to consent.
This was in light of a recent post from several party and venue hosts coming out to inform the community about a coupe who have been banned from their venues and events. https://www.reddit.com/r/Melbourneswingers/comments/1dd8zhc/erotic_fantasies_aka_private_nights_have_been/
The post has since surfaced some very good points and also some heartbreaking experiences. Sadly, it;s been sidetracked by a discussion about the Elite Insatiable party (of which I contributed to the confusion - my apologies for that).
We're locking the post in an attempt to keep the issues seperate, to get space to clear up confusion and get some time to collect information.
To be clear: locking this post is not a sign of agreement or disagreement about the accusations and it is also not intended to discourage meaningful and important conversations about consent.
Thank you for sharing your experince. It's something I've heard reported and seen several times. This is an important, and often neglected part of the consent discussion.
pleas do send me whatever information you have. Thank you
I did pull out the two sentences that, to me, encapsulated what is wrong with the entire statement.
This was done for the sake of brevity.
Usually when people say "out of context" it's intended to say "you changed the meaning" - but I have not done so. The full statement, despite whatever intentions we may try to read into them, has the red flags about the group and that it is absolutely not a place we'd recommend here.
The (full) statement is as disgusting as the two sentence I highlighted.
They are not simply implying that the men will "get lucky" but saying explicitly
---> "Although the numbers of women at our parties are much smaller then the number of guys, the guys typically get to have sex with as many women in a night as they could possibly handle. This is in stark contrast to what you can expect at a mainstream swingers party" <---
If anyone has any doubt, read the full statement (we've only quoted small portions of it here) https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable
The swinging / kink/ poly communities are not brothels and any party host that purports that, should be called out and the community at large warned.
Thanks for the comment - it's actually quote helpful in clearing that I've possibly conflated two different parties.
Because of this, I've removed my warnings and am trying to reach out to the original commenter for clarity about which one they mean (they've posted twice about it, and their description fits the one I sourced.
Obviously we want to do two things: protect our community from parties like this one: Ā https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable
...and also protect the reputation of good parties like the one you mentioned.
Appreciate the heads up
FYI I'm trying to do two things:
1) clarify which is the event mentioned that was mentioned which has these crazy conditions
2) ensure that I'm not misspeaking about a possible great event organiser.
If you have actual information that would help in this, please do let us know.
imho snide remarks are "awks"
I know, right? It's batshit crazy if true.
I have been informed by another user that tI may be conflating two different parties - this one, and another party with the same name on RHP - I'm currently trying to suss out what's what, so that we can get a clear picture.
I just did a bit of online sleuthing and found this quote from them:
"Ā A set of rules designed to limit women to sexual activities that men approve of and that satisfy male sexual fantasies (two woman at once....and bi sexual women) while only increasing women's opportunity to have partners of the opposite sex where another woman is provided by that man for her partner....
...Although the numbers of women at our parties are much smaller then the number of guys, the guys typically get to have sex with as many women in a night as they could possibly handle. This is in stark contrast to what you can expect at a mainstream swingers party."
source: https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable
That is batshit crazy, insane and irresponsible! This party needs to be avoided at all costs.
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It sounds like they may have mixed up the names of two parties:Ā
Elite Insatiable, who appear to have a good reputation and Insatiable GangBang, which appears to have the "rules" this person is describing (see hereĀ https://www.swingtowns.com/clubs/spot/partyinsatiable)
This appears to be an honest mistake, I've reached out to the commenter and have also reviewed their posting history