I tried to have a conversation with DH tonight about his mom overstepping boundaries with our toddler. He ended up telling me I need to “cut the cord” with my 18 month old daughter. He said it’s ridiculous that he can’t take her to his mom’s house without me.

I stayed calm and used “I feel” statements — like “when you call me a helicopter mom or tell me to cut the cord, and when your mom ignores me and demands more time with our daughter, I feel like an obstacle to overcome or a burden to be tolerated. I am LO’s mom.”

He said I overthink too much. I told him my feelings are valid and to please not dismiss them. He continued to say he’s entitled to his opinion as I am entitled to mine.

He said nobody in his family is “out to get me”. I know that. But it’s the overstepping of the boundaries and lack of respect for me as my little daughter’s mother that gives me anxiety.

MIL and their whole family think LO is too attached to me and wants to have fun with her without me around. I’m insulted by this. First off I don’t care what they think about my parenting. Secondly, I’ve always been civil, polite and easy going. They simply don’t like me. They never have. This is a power grab and MIL wants to play mommy to my LO, and I’m not falling for it.

I was such an anxious mess today that even my therapist told me it sounds like a pre-requisite for babysitting my child is that the babysitter has to like me. She said my child’s grandma loves her and is just trying to form a relationship with her. (I am changing therapists btw, this was just someone on better health who clearly didn’t understand the boundaries I’d like to set, nor the enmeshment problem and emotional manipulation.)

But it’s just been a bad day… between the therapist and my husband both basically telling me to cut the cord and let MIL have her grandchild (me doing all the packing up and hauling her over there too, I might add, unless DH is gonna do it and actually have her home and ready for bed at a decent time, and/or deal with her the entire next day when she’s cranky.)

but that also cuts into our time as a family. I’m very isolated here as my family lives 2000 miles away. So it’s not like I can just go hang out with them while he takes LO to his mom for the day.

It’s easy for people to tell me to just move back home — there’s laws regarding separation and custody when moving internationally. Also, I guarantee that if I do separate, he and his family will fight tooth and nail for shared custody and he will retaliate big time (post separation abuse).

Like, I know I need to end this marriage but it’s just so sad, scary, exhausting, infuriating.

MIL: “All I want is all my grandkids to know me and love me… I’d be lucky if I get them once a week but I’d really prefer them every day.” 🤮🤮🤮 narcissistic hag.