I'm scared for my future and the emotional pain I know I'll be going through. But I feel like I have no choice but to give up control of my life and get help. I have a lot of rules I'll be forced to live by. It's an all or nothing deal. They won't agree to help me just so I can go back when the dust has settled like I always do. I don't want this. But I know I absolutely cannot do this without their help. Maybe it won't be so bad. Right now I'm just trying to stay calm. I guess the most important part is I'm safe. I don't want to leave him. I'm scared of missing him. I'm scared of him being lonely. I'm scared of him being scared. I wish I wasn't. Cause I know he's not thinking about me like that. But I'm trusting those around me. I'm trying to convince myself of this fog you all speak being lifted and me seeing things more clearly. I'm trying not to miss him holding me so much. But honestly I love his touch. I love being in his arms. I'm so scared to think of never feeling that again. I'm dying inside right now. But maybe when the fog is gone the pain will go too. Thanks for the support everyone.